Blinding Darkness
by Sutoomu
Summary: Duo's mask is slipping. They are learning about his love, and his darker habits. Can they help him be free? Can they uncover the real Duo, the one hidden deep inside?
1. I

This is actually a pretty dark fic for me. I don't know if I wrote it well. I don't have that much written yet, but I have nearly all of it planned out, so...yeah, just gotta get the fingers typin'! This story is one of my best, to me anyways, but I need your opinion, so read it and review! Just gotta do one thing now...

Disclaimer: I, Sutoomu(Storm), do NOT own Gundam Wing in any way. None at all. This fanfiction was made purely for fun and does not get me money in any way. Besides, it's not as though I have any money to be sued for...

Continue on, now...

**

* * *

**

**Blinding Darkness**

Storm

"Mission complete," Heero said with a smirk.

Duo looked over at him. Duo seriously didn't know how Heero did it. How could Heero kill over and over, destroy again and again, and just smirk? It was irritatingly annoying, the way he was never affected. It was as if Heero didn't comprehend that they were ending lives. That they were taking breath, killing life, crushing souls. Duo hated it, because it only proved again how much stronger Heero was than he. Duo could never get over it. All he saw was the blood from their wounds, the life dying in their eyes, the pained screams they cried before they died...

"Duo."

Duo blinked and saw Heero looking at him with...was that concern? Duo immediately put on his wacky grin, setting his jester's mask in place, and changed his clenched fist into a V-for-victory sign.

"Once again, Shinigami triumphs!" He crowed, though inside he was dying as he said it. "Let's go home now, Heero. I'm hungry!"

Heero 'hn-ed' his agreement and turned to head back to the hidden jeep, leaving the still burning base at his back. Duo took one last vulrenable look at the flames. He followed after Heero to the jeep and hopped in, putting his jester's enthusiasm into it. Everything in his life that others saw was fake, a facade. He wasn't happy. There were, of course, the rare times something made him smile for real, but they always ended and barely ever came. Duo Maxwell, part Shinigami, part jester, both masks created to hide and protect the real thing.

Duo winced as the faint sound of ambulances and fire engines sounded, obviously heading to the base. He closed his eyes to block out the still remaining eerie glow from the flames and set his head against the window, enjoying the small, sharp pain that resounded through his skull every time the jeep hit rough ground. He needed the small pain, and he welcomed it while a normal person would find it rather annoying and head wracking. Pain scared the memories away, but the memories induced pain. Nothing would get those images out of his mind. They would just play over and over and over until he did something to distract himself, until he bled them out. But then the nightmares would come. God, how he hated the nightmares, and he could do absolutely nothing about them.

"Why aren't you hyper as usual?" Heero's voice blasted a path through his thoughts.

Duo bit back a sharp retort of 'Why do you care?' "Dude, I am tired!"

"Since when do you become tired after an easy mission?" Heero continued his questioning.

'Since keeping the happy mask up is hard when all you see is pain and death and blood...,' Duo thought. Aloud he said sharply. "Since you woke me up at two in the damn morning! God, Heero, you're the worst alarm clock ever."

Duo remembered the morning. Heero had almost discovered the real him. He had come in after Duo had a nightmare and was crying. Luckily for Duo, he heard Heero in time and checked his tears, wanting not to worry his best friend. Duo had pretended to be asleep, being the great actor he was, and had then turned his sorrow and pain into annoyance and anger at Heero waking him up too early for another damn mission. He was also glad he had been able to hide his deep dread at the thought of a mission.

Duo studied Heero as he drove. He wondered if Heero had any idea how much he relied on him? Duo suspected not, since he had never told Heero or given any hints. But, to Duo, Heero was his best friend, and he loved him like a brother. He was like a surrogate Solo, only more...stoic soldier type. If Heero ever died, Duo would have no force to help him stay alive. Not that Heero listened to him ramble out his problems or anything. No, but Heero did listen and put up with him ranting and raving and chattering on about things non stop, and he had this powerful aura, this sense of safety. An aura Duo had only felt twice before. Once, with Solo, and once with Sister Helen and Father Maxwell. Of course, Heero's aura of safety was more dangerous. Duo never told Heero how much he relied upon him, or how much he was his best friend, since he knew to verbally acknowledge the love would condemn Heero to death. Everyone he loved died. Being loved by Duo was a curse, in Duo's opinion. Everyone he loved died. His friends were all at constant risk of death, since he loved them all. Their positions and Shinigami had death plans for all of them, and it was all Duo could do to protect them without their knowing. That was why he was in the Preventors. To protect Heero and Wufei. And he trusted Trowa to protect Quatre as his bodygaurd.

Duo loved Heero as a best friend. He loved Trowa as Heero's lover and someone who always understood, someone trustworthy. And he loved Quatre and Wufei...well, that was pure love, and that was a fantasy. Quatre and Duo were already a couple, and Duo had no plans of joining them. At least this way, they had their loves and were safe by him being out of the picture. All was fine as long as he didn't get involved.

Duo was jolted out of his thoughts once again as Heero slid the jeep to a half circle stop. Believe it or not, Heero was a sometimes show off concerning his driving skills. Duo bounced out of the car-he was sure to make a happy impression, and he didn't want to disturb Quatre's peaceful heart-and ran up to the door, flinging it open. He met Quatre in the hall.

Duo stood in the doorway, stunned stupid. Quatre was wearing pure white-and somewhat see through-pajamas. His one shoulder was bared to the air, the pale skin shining under the lights of the hallway. His blue eyes were half closed and hazed, and he scratched his beautiful golden white hair as he tried to stifle a yawn. Damn he was exotic. And, obviously, he had just woken up.

"Yeah, I was," Quatre said, and Duo blinked, realizing he had spoken aloud the last bit. "How'd the mission go?"

"As Heero says, 'Mission complete!'" Duo chirped. "You an' 'Fei heading in for the night now?"

"I was already in for the night," Quatre whined loudly. "But the bed is too cold! Wufei and Trowa are playing cards, and Trowa's winning."

"Cool," Duo replied, feeling dejected at Quatre sharing the bed with Wufei, while he had to sleep all alone in his dark room. They didn't know how damn lucky they were. "I'm goin' to bed now. Damn, Heero woke me up too early," he grumbled to add more persuasion to the fact he was just tired. He bounded past Quatre, his mind crying out for another look as he walked up the stairs.

* * *

That is the first chapter. Hope you enjoyed. Review and go to the next now. Yes, that's it. Push the mouse, click the button. That's a good reader.


	2. II

I will simply state this is the second chapter. Oh, and review!

* * *

"Bed...?" Quatre blinked in confusion after Duo. Duo never got tired until midnight at least, even if he had been up since the early, early morning.He could last a week before sleeping out of exhaustion. He knew, since they had once had a contest. And Duo would never, EVER give up the chance to tease Wufei about losing the card games.

Quatre turned to Heero. "Did everything go okay in the mission, Heero?" he asked, since Duo had kind of avoided the direct question.

"Everything went as planned perfectly," he replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Duo seems a little off...," he murmured, then shrugged it off and went into the livingroom, Heero following.

"You have to come to be-e-ed!" Quatre whined, pulling at Wufei's arm playfully. "I'm cold. You have to warm my toes!" Wufei rolled his eyes and set down a card, a smile playing with his lips even so.

"Hello, koi," Heero whispered into Trowa's hair, placing a kiss on his ear. Trowa reached a hand up and then followed it with his body, and they joined in a deep, warm kiss. "You ready for bed?"

"Now I am," Trowa replied, and they left together.

"Wu-fei!" Quatre continued whining, and Wufei sighed. He suddenly whipped his arm forward, dragging Quatre straight onto his lap, then proceeded to pepper his nose with kisses.

"Shall." Kiss. "We." Kiss. "Warm." Kiss. "Your." Kiss. "Toes." Kiss. "Now?" Kiss, kiss, kiss. Quatre stopped his giggles long enough to say yes and Wufei scooped him over his shoulder and went to climb the stairs. Quatre wriggled, then sighed.

"I hate it when you do this," his rosy lips fell into a pout.

"You love it and you know it," Wufei replied. He entered their room and dropped Quatre on the bed, then began changing into his red silk pajamas, a gift from Quatre. He slipped under the slightly chilly covers and grabbed Quatre's toes with his own.

"Mmm, thank you, love," Quatre murmured, and, planting one last long kiss on Wufei's lips, snuggled down into his chest. Wufei sighed in bliss and closed his eyes, then opened them again as Duo made his way into his thought process for a split second. He was sure Duo was fine, since Heero had been fully functional and Quatre hadn't been upset at all, but Wufei would have prefferred to see the braided boy to make sure he was alright for himself. He always worried geatly about Duo when he was on a mission, and he didn't really know why. He had told himself that it must probably be because, if Duo ever was to die, Wufei would miss his teasing and chasing him and tackling him. He would miss Duo's happy smile, and those rare moments when his eyes sparkled with incredible joy. He would miss his carefree attitude, his radiant aura of danger when he was pissed off...

"Stop thinking," Quatre complained, wriggling to get more comfy.

"How do you know?" Wufei chuckled, looking down at his small koi. He was incredibly happy that Quatre wasn't in the Preventors. Not that Quatre's position was safe, but at least Trowa was there to take care of him and he wasn't purposely going into the dangerous areas.

"You breathe different," Quatre replied, before fading into slumberland. "And, by the way, Duo's fine." Wufei ran a hand through his little blonde's hair and then closed his own eyes, breathing in the scent of his small love, sighing at the fact that he could never hide anything from him.

Duo closed his door behind him and sunk to the ground. He sat there, simply focusing on breathing. He heard footsteps, and immediately recognized them as Trowa's and Heero's going to bed. A moment after, another person's footsteps came up, and he heard Quatre speaking, then Wufei, then their door close. He sighed in longing. He had no one to kiss him goodnight, no one to cuddle him, no one to even tuck him in or wish him a good night's rest. Heck, even a sweet dreams would be welcome, not that it would give him sweet dreams.

He stood up and made his way over to the bathroom. He went in, locked the door, and rifled through his drawer until he found a razor. He sat on the toilet seat, and began cutting. It was regular routine, almost a tradition for after a mission. Bleed the memories out. Add your blood to that which is shed. Innocent blood. He wanted to be innocent, like them. They felt no pain any more, and neither did he...five similar and semmetrical lines dripping crimson appeared on his skin before he saw the blood forming on the marble floor and moved to clean it up. He soaked it up with a towel, then threw the towel out. He wrapped a bandage around his arm and left the bathroom.

Duo had ridden himself of the memories for a little while now, feeling somewhat atoned for his sins, but he faced a new dilemma now. Thoughts and questions and worries that he was suicidal started to flood his mind, just as they always did. He felt incredible guilt for hurting himself, and shame for wanting to, and worry that someone would find out. His body tensed and would not relax.

"D-damn," Duo stuttered. "I n-need a sm-moke." He dug in his drawer, his hand shaking, and withdrew a pack of smokes. He pulled one out, opened the window, and sat below it, lighting it up. His finger idly ran up and down the older, fainter scars from past times, past missions. Trmebling, he shuddered and took another puff, enjoying it as the smoke relaxed his muscles and freed his mind. He hated enjoying it, though. He hated smoking, but he couldn't quit. He lived in fear that one of the boys would find out he smoked, and then would find out he cut himself, and then would find out about the images and the nightmares and the real Duo.

Duo went through four smokes before putting the pack back and closing the window. He stripped of his clothes and slipped into bed in his boxers. Looking at the clock, he noticed it was ten thirty. It was actually early for him to be sleeping, not to mention not exactly as late as the others went to bed. He burrowed deep into the warmth, bunching the blankets around his body, and closed his eyes. And Duo slept.

Duo gasped as his cobalt blue eyes shot open. His eyes danced around the room in fear, until he realized he was in his room, in his bed...alone. He sat up, pulling his knees under his chin and breathed, trying to calm his racing heart. He was sweating, yet trembling as if he was cold. After a few long moments of breathing and calming down, he looked at the clock. It read exactly midnight. It was odd how he always woke up at the hours or half hours. One and a half hours, and he had already had a nightmare. He took one last deep breath to calm his nerves and stood up. Grabbing his pillow and blanket off the bed, he left his room silently and went downstairs to the television room. He flopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. After nightmares, television was the only thing that could distract him enough. That was, if he wasn't silently crying.

There was a late night documentary on, and Duo watched, actually interested, as they explained all about the antics of small fish called Cherubs. He could understand the name, as they were round and cute and shiny. He wouldn't mind having one, if they weren't so endangered and he wouldn't accidentally kill it, like he had with the other five. He lay lengthwise on the couch, his mind absorbing the little fish.

* * *

I will simply state this. Move on, peoples. The next chapter is waiting for you. But you must review to get there...well not really, but...oh, who cares. Just please review.


	3. III

Third chappie. Review. Read. Please. Enjoy. Yes.

* * *

"Quatre...," Wufei whispered into the blonde's ear. "C'mon, koi, wake up..."

"No-o-o," Quatre whined, turning over in the bed, away from Wufei. "Go 'way. You're makin' everything cold!"

Wufei sighed and slipped out of the bed. When Quatre was in this kind of mood it was best to leave him alone in a warm, soft bed and wait for a couple hours until he emerged. If you bugged him, he would just whine and kick at you like a little kid with an attitude problem. And Quatre wouldn't even know he was acting like a two year old. So Wufei dressed and made his way downstairs. It was five in the morning, quite early for him to be up if he had no work, but he had gone to bed early, and he wasn't really good at sleeping in. Quatre was, of course. He had been sleeping in every day for the past week, and going to bed early as well. He had been very tired lately. It was most likely because he had been running ragid for the last month at WEI. He deserved this week vacation. Trowa did as well. And, naturally, since Quatre was taking time off, Wufei had joined him, since it was rare he'd ever get any other days off at the same time as Quatre. Duo and Heero had remained working.

Wufei made his way into the kitchen, first, grabbing a very tall glass of cold milk, the perfect wake up drink, according to Duo. He grabbed a cheese stick, another of Duo's foods, and wandered out into the livingroom to watch some TV until everyone woke up. He entered the room, then froze for a moment at the door. He leaned against the door, arms crossed and a smile on his lips as he looked at Duo's form curled up on the couch. Duo's feet and arms were tucked in under his blanket and pulled close into a ball to keep toasty warm. His lips were slightly parted as he breathed, some strands from his messy braid drifting over his face. None of them had ever seen Duo without his braid in, but Wufei imagined it would be a pretty gorgeous site.

Wufei tensed for a moment in concern as Duo suddenly twitched and moaned, his smooth face tensing.Wufei moved forward as Duo's breathing began to get more rapid. He knelt beside him and set a hand on his shoulder. Duo's wide violet eyes shot open and blinked at Wufei. Wufei's breath stalled for a moment as he looked into those deep entrancing eyes. They flickered with a life inside, and strange emotions passed across them. Wufei saw fear, then relief, then uncertainty and hope. Duo's hand reached forward and brushed Wufei's lips. Wufei froze, startled and confused about the emotions in Duo's eyes and his actions. Duo's head leaned forward...and he bit the top of the cheese stick off. As though a switch had been flicked, Duo grinned.

"Mmm," he said, swallowing. "Dude, I love those things." His hand shot out and snatched the rest away, and he sat up, shoving it into his mouth and chewing appreciatively.

"Are you alright, Duo?" Wufei asked, not being distracted. "Everything go okay on the mission? No injuries?"

"Hm, no, I'm fine," Duo said. "Got out without a scratch. Heero wouldn't even let me be close enough to have a good view of the big ka-boom. He never lets me have any fun."

Wufei stiffened and his concern vanished as Duo spoke about Heero. Even though Heero loved Trowa and gave no sign of ever stopping loving him, Wufei would sware Duo had the biggest crush on the stoic soldier. He would even say love, and he hated how Duo always spoke about Heero. Why couldn't Duo ever notice that the other three of them cared just as much about him, and actually treated him better, sometimes, than Heero.

"What time is it?" Duo asked, yawning.

"0505," Wufei replied, consulting his watch.

Duo scrunched up his face and gagged. "They say the early bird catches the worm, but the worm ain't even awake yet," he frowned and looked at Wufei. "Why do you guys all have to say the time in military hours? Can't you just say five o' five? Me an' Quat are like the only normal ones."

"Normal?" Wufei laughed, then his face darkened. "As if. We're gundam pilots."

"Ex," Duo emphasized, a bit sadly. His face suddenly brightened. "I'm gettin' food! For once I'll have the cereal bag to myself."

"I guess the rest of us should cut cereal out of our breakfast, then?" Wufei said.

"Nonsense!" Duo proclaimed. "I'll set aside a bowl for you, 'Fei 'Fei."

"Thanks for the concern," Wufei said, then began to walk away. "I'll be in my room."

"If, by saying 'my room', you mean you'll either be reading, meditating, or practicing your moves in your study, then okay."

Wufei wondered how Duo came up with these wierd sentences. Maybe he just liked the sound of his own voice. Shrugging, he went away to the large room Quatre had given solely to him. He had filled it with his books, a desk, a mat for practice and an area for meditation, as well as a few other things. It was considered his study, and it was his haven. He locked his door and sat down to meditate, since he was in a relaxing mood. He couldn't focus, however, since that same image of Duo waking up kept catching his eye.

Duo poured the milk into his bowl of Fruity O's without much enthusiasm. He swirled it around with his spoon dejectedly as he thought. Wufei had disturbed his nightmare. While he was thankful to the unknowing object of his love for stopping it before it got too bad, he was also angry at himself for revealing that to Wufei. And then he had to go and almost forget himself. Duo mentally berated himself for not showing enough self control. But...Wufei had just looked so heavenly. His hair had been down, and he had had a clear yet glazed look in his eyes, like he was aware of everything but he admitted he had just woken up. He had just...just looked like an angel. Duo just held onto his secret hope Wufei hadn't suspected anything.

Duo had just lifted his spoon to his mouth when his name was shouted throughout the house. Duo cursed and jumped up as the cold milk spilled down his shirt. Duo recognized the voice doing the shouting as Heero's, but it didn't sound mad. If it had, then Duo would have been running for something he apparently did to piss Heero off, which he never really had any idea what it was he had done. Instead he sighed and began to clean up the mess he had made when he knocked the cereal bowl, waiting for Heero to find him as he would. And, true to Duo's brilliant prediction, Heero appeared in the door, dressed and fully functional, a still pajama wearing Trowa behind him. Duo stood in his boxers, a towel dripping milk from his hand andmilk soaking the counter, soggy Fruity O's everywhere, waiting for Heero to speak as Trowa eyed the mess with amusement shining in his eyes. Trowa probably already guessed how it happened.

"We have another mission."

Duo felt like his gut shattered, his heart split in two, and his lungs filled with water. They had another mission. More death. "Damnit."

"What?"

Duo realized he had interrupted Heero and confused him. He laughed wryly. "Here I was, just starting to enjoy a little vacation. Could you repeat all that, Hee-chan? My brain was being fogged with whines and complaints from my limbs for having to move."

Heero eyed Duo oddly at this statement, then spoke. "There's another base. Routine mission. We infiltrate, download the systems info, then destroy it."

"Okay, then," Duo said. "When do we leave?"

"In a half hour," Heero replied. "It's was on urgent call."

"Oh, yeah," Duo replied, then glanced over at Trowa. "It's the system with the alarm on the labtop that goes 'weeeoooooo weeeooooo weeeooooo', right?" Trowa nodded. "Well, no wonder Trowa here looks so annoyed." Trowa blinked at this statement, since he didn't look at all annoyed, or anything else for that matter. "Oooh-kay, 'Ro. I'll just go get ready and meet you in a half hour." And he left the room, heading for upstairs, the couple staring after him.

* * *

Damn, more missions. Damn, more death. I think reading and writing these stories with death is affecting my brain. I don't seem to feel sad when I hear about someone who has died. I just think 'It's the way of life.' So heartless, waah! No I'm good enough, and if I think hard enough, I can sympathize! Whatever, I'm rambling, review, and read on to the next chapter!


	4. IV

Interesting chappie. Simply put, READ! Okay, maybe that was a bit forceful...

* * *

Quatre had been woken up rather rudely by a sound of an alarm. He had grumpily got out of bed and made his way outside into the slightly chilly, early morning air, ready to shout at whoever had made the noise. He had just stepped outside his door when Heero yelled out Duo's name loudly. Quatre had winced at the rude noise, then sighed, knowing he'd never get back to sleep unless everyone shut up. So he began to make his way to the stairs, to yell at everyone for waking him up. A sleepy Quatre was a grumpy Quatre, and, right now, Quatre was exhausted.

He almost made it to the stairs, using his anger and annoyance as a fuel to keep him moving, when Duo, clad in boxers and a messy braid, came bounding up it. Duo's face lit up at seeing him, and he grinned. Quatre's heart lifted at the site. Every time Duo came near him with that famous wacky grin of his, or his happy attitude, or the unboundless energy he seemed to possess, Quatre felt like he could fly. Duo was surely contagious, and Quatre was surely affected. The anger he felt at being awake vanished, since he could never stay angry at a happy Duo for some reason. He could whine at Wufei, yell at Heero, and snap at Trowa when he was grumpy, but he couldn't help but be happy if Duo came around.

"What's happening, Duo?" Quatre asked. "Did you do something to annoy Heero again?"

"Nah," Duo waved a hand. "He's just all perfect soldier 'cause he got an urgent mission for us."

"Another mission?" Quatre said in anxiety. "So soon?"

"Yeah. Routine stuff, though. You know. Get in, get the stuff, get out, go ka-boom!"

A tidal wave of fear and worry pressed against Quatre's chest, all his own feelings towards Duo. He impulsively stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Duo in a hug. "Please stay safe, Duo. Promise me you'll be safe." The thought of anything happening to Duo...Quatre hated the fact that his lover and his deeply loved best friend were both in the Preventors. It meant worry and stress on his part every time they went out as he waited anxiously for them to return.

Duo stiffened at first, then relaxed and returned the embrace deeply, whispering. "I will, little one, I promise." And then Duo let go and they stepped apart, violet eyes meeting baby blue. Quatre suddenly felt a wave of emotion in him from Duo, and he began to sort it out. Gratitude, relief, joy, and...love?

As if Duo knew Quatre had learnt something forbidden, he turned sharply and headed for his room, the wave of emotion cut off just as sharply as his turn.

"Duo...!" Quatre called out just as the door was closing. The door paused for a moment, then closed completely, and Quatre heard the lock click into place.

Had Quatre felt that right? Did Duo really...love him? Maybe he was mistaken. He could have just been reading brotherly love...but it had felt stronger. It felt deep, and true, and passionate. But was it possible that Duo felt for him what Quatre was sure he felt himself for the braided pilot? If so, Quatre had to talk to Wufei about this. He knew Wufei felt deeply about Duo as well. If, and make note of the if, Duo loved them as they loved him, the two of them should consider talking to Duo about joining them. And since when did Duo call him little one? He always called him Quat or Q or Q-man...a casual nickname. He had never before called him little one.

Quatre began to hurry down the stairs, his mind made up, his anger forgotten, and his exhaustion put at low priority. He found Heero and Trowa speaking of the mission in the hall, and then went off to search for Wufei when they said they didn't know where he was. After a few room's searches, he came to Wufei's study. He knocked at the door. "Wufei, it's me, Quatre."

Wufei was obviously in there and obviously heard him, since the lock clicked out and the door opened, the smiling Wufei on the other side inviting him in. "What brings you out of bed? I figured I'd have to steal a mobile suit and attack the house in order to get you up."

"Heero yelled for Duo," Quatre explained, sitting on one of Wufei's plush chairs, or rather on Wufei who was sitting on the chair. Wufei's hands wrapped around Quatre's middle. "They have a mission for today." Wufei frowned in disagreement with the idea. "I was going to go yell at Heero to shut up when I met Duo." Quatre paused, wondering how to explain it all.

"And?" Wufei prompted.

"Wufei," Quatre changed the subject a tiny bit. "How do you feel towards Duo?"

Wufei seemed to stiffen in surprise, then relaxed and chuckled. "You're an empath, Quatre, and you already know. I can't have any secrets from you. You know I love Duo in the same way I love you."

"Right," Quatre agreed. "And do you...do you know I love him, too?"

Wufei shifted to face Quatre, his face drawn in surprise. "Actually, koi, I didn't know that. When did you realize this?"

"A while ago," Quatre replied uncertainly. "I've always felt especially connected to you four. You the strongest, since I know I love you, then Duo, since he was my closest friend, then Trowa, since I rely on him and trust him, and then Heero, since he sort of takes special care of us. You know, his safety obsession. It's annoying, but it shows he cares about us.

Lately...lately my connection with Duo has grown stronger. He's been there for me so much in the past year with WEI, and I always feel brighter when he's around. I just...I can get mad at Heero and Trowa and even you, Wufei, but I can't get mad at Duo, no matter what he does. I sort of rely on his presence, and I've been noticing him more...well, I figure I'm in love, from past experience," he paused to give Wufei a small kiss. "But this time, I don't think Duo loved me that way back, so I never did anything to give it away. With me and you, it went both ways."

"And, if I recall, I had to make the first move," Wufei said. "Or you would have bottled up your love for me, too."

"Is it my fault I'm shy?" Quatre said innocently. "Anyways, then I knew you loved me, since you, as you so arrogantly proclaimed, made the first move, and then the second and third and fourth. You kept telling me you loved me so I'd be able to say I loved you back. That's why we're together." Quatre suddenly shook his head as if to clear it. "Now you're making me lose my point."

"What is your point?"

"You know that you love Duo and I know that I love Duo as much as we love each other, right?" Quatre said, and Wufei nodded. "But we don't know if Duo loves us."

A somewhat angry and miffed look came into Wufei's eyes. "He doesn't."

"Actually...I think he might," Quatre swallowed, then explained. "He told me about the mission, and I just got really scared he would die or get hurt, so I hugged him and told him to promise me he would stay safe."

"You make me promise that every day," Wufei nodded in understanding.

"He promised he would, and...he called me little one."

"He did?" Wufei's eyebrows rose.

"Trowa calls me little one because I'm like a little brother to him, and you call me little one because you love me, but Duo always calls me by a nickname. And he sounded so serious, like he would never want to hurt me by dying or getting hurt. And then..."

"Keep talking," Wufei prodded him.

Quatre swallowed. "I felt him through my empathy. It was accidental, he was just giving off waves so strongly, and...I felt love, Wufei. It was pure, deep, passionate love. I know he loves me, deep down. And I think he loves you, too. He's just hiding it. Since we never show any signs that we love him, he's probably doing as I do, and keeping it hidden." Quatre stopped speaking, waiting for the verdict.

Wufei stared at him for a moment, unsure whether he had heard that right. "I keep my love for Duo hidden since I know he doesn't love me," he finally said. He continued quickly as Quatre opened his mouth to protest. "He may love you somewhat, but anyone can see that he has a deep crush on Heero."

"Heero?"

"He's practically infatuated with him," Wufei snarled. "He talks about him all the time."

Quatre looked disapprovingly at Wufei. "You're jumping to conclusions, Wufei. Have you ever seen Duo flirt with Heero, or give him one of those looks I know I just recieved upstairs? All I hear about Heero from Duo is a complaint or an order Heero gave him. Heero orders Duo around a lot, you know, and Duo listens most of the time. I hardly think he loves him." Quatre looked very thoughtful for a moment, then spoke again. "I think we should tell Duo. Or at least do a little flirting. If you want to know for sure, do something and see if he reacts."

"I will not act so low," Wufei said, affronted.

"C'mon, you had to flirt to get me," Quatre said. "And you were rather good at it, too. And then you went all romantic, and made me breakfast."

"I still can't believe you thought me making pancakes and bringing them to you in bed was romantic."

"Well, it was definitely sweet of you," Quatre replied. "So we should do something sweet for Duo. Something that will surprise him and let him know we have feelings towards him."

"He loves Heero," Wufei said firmly.

"I felt his love, Wufei," Quatre exclaimed adamantly. "He loves me, and I'll bet you anything he loves you, too. I've seen him glance at you when you aren't looking." Wufei was not swayed by this. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?" Quatre exclaimed, standing up. "Sometimes I wish you were an empath. Then maybe you'd understand."

"You don't understand, Quatre," Wufei replied. "He's always talking about Heero. Saying how Heero wouldn't let him watch the explosion, how Heero wouldn't let him have any fun, how Heero never lets him drive. It feels as though the rest of us don't exist to him. Like we're imaginary friends. He only pays attention to Heero."

Quatre looked at him in disbelief. "I think you're a bit too focused on your theory that Duo loves Heero," he said. "You should open your eyes and look around. Actually listen to him. Listen to his jokes and his comments and his fun. And then look at how he acts when he talks about Heero." Quatre went to the door. "I'm going back to bed." And he left, feeling furious at his stubborn, hardheaded love.

* * *

Next chapter won't be out for a li'l while, since I have to write it all. But I have the whole story planned out, and that is good! Please review, especially now. Reviews make me write faster!


	5. V

Here we go, fith chappie! Yay! And the sicth is written, too, so it's coming up. I'm having a very inspirational writing time with this story/sighs and smiles/

_

* * *

_

_'Progress report, 02,'_ Heero's voice came crackling over the comm.

"I'm almost finished this one, then I just got one more to set up and I'm done, 01," Duo replied as he placed the last wires on the explosive. "How 'bout you?"

_'Information download complete,'_ Heero replied.

"Okay, then," Duo said, sticking the explosive to the underside of the console, then checked his watch. "I'll meet you outside in ten minutes. And grab some popcorn for the big bang, will ya? 02 out." Duo dropped the comm and made his way to the last spot, a supply closet. The back wall of it had a security console on the other side of the wall. Perfect spot. Duo quickly pulled out the last explosive and began to wire it. After two minutes of concentrated wiring, he pressed it to the wall and hit the timer button, which would start all fifteen explosives on their ten minute countdowns.

"Fuck!" Duo swore, then added in a few japanese ones he had learned from Heero. The moment he had pressed the timer button, the whole base had gone up in alarms and screeching wails and flashing red lights. This would definitely slow Duo down.

"There he is!"

Duo spun as he left the supply room and quickly downed three soldiers with his gun before they could shoot off more than two bullets, both of which shot wide. Duo grimaced and swallowed a hint of disgust at himself as they fell. He always killed the newbies. He always got to kill those who couldn't defend themselves. He was the one who got to see their eyes flash with that question of 'oh god, I'm dying'. At least the older ones' eyes showed acceptance and understanding when their life spirit was extinguished by Shinigami. At least they knew what being a soldier could bring. It brought death.

'_Duo, situation report?_' Heero's voice came on.

"No prob," Duo replied as he headed down the corridor that would take him out of this base. "Just a li'l alarm. They're all amateurs, so I'll be out on time. See ya soon!" And he quickly cut off communications to deal with a bigger problem. Namely all the soldiers popping out of the doors along the corridor. It was just his luck he had to choose the barracks hall. Yeah, just his luck that he could end more lives. He continued to shoot down soldier after soldier as they appeared in their doorways. No one seemed to be getting wise that he was there, taking them out one by one, moving from one door and corpse to the next opening door and shooting again. Just move the gun to the next door and shoot, it was all becoming a little automatic. Move and shoot, move and shoot, move and shoot...

Duo's breath caught in his throat, seeming to strangle him. Time seemed to go in slow motion, and Duo watched the bullet that had just left his gun enter the shoulder of the little girl who had just come out of a door. Oh god, a little girl! A little girl! Duo watched, entranced by the horror within him he felt, as her eyes shot wide open and her lips parted in a cry of pain. She fell, knocked over by the force of the bullet, and lay there. Oh god, he had killed her, a little girl! People were coming out of the doors and staring at the girl, the same disgust Duo felt for himself mirroring in their eyes as they looked at him.

"You bastard!" Duo's head shot from the little girl to the soldier who had shouted, just in time to see the bullet flying at him. He couldn't dodge it, though. He couldn't move. He didn't want to move. He deserved it, he deserved to be shot. He deserved the pain. Duo gasped as the bullet entered his arm. Pain flared throughout his nerves, but he welcomed it. He deserved it all. He couldn't help but swear very fluently in four languages as another bullet entered his flesh, though, just above his ankle. He slumped against the wall. Just accept the pain. He had made a mistake, and now he had to pay for it. He was going to die. His life wasn't worth living anymore. Hell, it hadn't really been worth living before. He just needed to die, and then everything would be better.

_Please stay safe, Duo. Promise me you'll be safe._

_I will, little one, I promise._

Duo was suddenly hit with a wave of guilt. He had promised Quatre he would come back, he had promised. Damnit, he couldn't die now, not today. He had promised Quatre. He couldn't break his promise to the adorable arabian. He couldn't cause him pain.

Duo opened his eyes, raised his gun once more, and took out five of the soldiers before they could blink. Two more quickly followed after they managed to each get a shot off, and then the last one went down, a knife in his neck. Duo looked at them sadly and dissaprovingly. They had thought he was dead, so they let their gaurd down. Never let your gaurd down, and never underestimate your opponent. Duo stood up painfully. Only his resolve to get back, to put Quatre at ease, kept him from fainting out of the pure pain from his ankle. He began to limp down the corridor, set on reaching the door which would bring him outside. Consulting his watch, Duo saw he had three minutes left to get completely out. Only three minutes.

A small sound suddenly made Duo look down. It was the little girl, looking at him. She was still alive...he hadn't killed her. But she was in pain, Duo could see that from the large pool of tears in her crystalline grey eyes. Duo knelt beside her, brushing back a small lock of curly brown hair. Her hand suddenly reached out and grabbed his, and tightened.

"H-hurts...," she croaked softly.

Duo's heart fell. He always caused so much pain. Damnit, he should die! But everyone needed him. Quatre needed him to come back alive, and this little girl needed him. Duo quickly ripped off the bottom of his shirt and tied it tightly around the little girl's wound. He swept her up into his arms, wincing at the added weight on his ankle. If he passed out now, neither of them would survive. Duo drew all his strength in and began rapidly limping towards the exit. He had to get her out, he had to get out, before it blew. He wasn't going to die today, and he wouldn't let her die. He looked down at her as she whimpered in pain at the movement, her one hand clutching his shirt in a death grip.

"So what's your name, silver-eyes?" he asked gently. He had to distract her from the pain.

"R-renn."

"Renn," Duo repeated. "Wow, that's a pretty name. Prettier than mine."

"W-what's your n-ame?" she asked. She was trembling ever so slightly.

"Duo," Duo replied. "My name is Duo."

"T-thank you, D-duo," she said. Duo swallowed. She was thanking him for helping her, when he was the one who shot her in the first place. This was just a little over twisted.

Duo shoved all thought beyond staying conscious and getting her and himself out. He finally limped to the exit and stepped out into the garage. Glancing around, he quickly picked a jeep and set Renn in the seat, then hopped in himself and started it. Some idiot had forgotten his keys in it, to Duo's eternal thanks. The jeep roared to life and shot out of the garage, heading away from the base. Ten second later, it exploded.

Renn screamed at the sound and Duo swore, startled at her scream. He skidded the jeep to a stop and looked back at the explosion for a moment, then at Renn. Renn was staring, wide eyed and horrified at the flames and flying debris. Duo picked her up and turned her away from it, setting her on his lap and holding her close as the scene replayed through her mind. She was in shock. Duo wondered how she would feel if she knew the one comforting her was the one who had done it all.

Renn began to cry again after a moment, and Duo simply held her while she did. After a moment, he heard the ambulances wails. He set Renn back down, brushed her hair out of her face, rechecked her bandage, and then got out.

"Renn?" Duo whispered. "I need you to do something for me. C'mon, silver-eyes, help me out. I have to go..."

"Don't leave me!" Renn instantly screamed. "It hurts!"

"Hey, hey," Duo soother her, quieting her panic. "I have to leave. But you'll be okay. Listen, I'm going to make the jeep's horn go crazy. And the paramedics will hear it and come and take care of you, okay? But I need you to hang on for that much longer. You can't go to sleep or anything, 'kay?"

"Don't go away," Renn cried. "I don't wanna be alone."

"I have to, silver-eyes," Duo replied. "I'll get hurt if they find me, but they'll take care of you. I have to go, but you have to stay awake. You can't go to sleep. Promise me, Renn? Please?"

"I...I promise," Renn replied, but she was crying at the fact Duo had to leave. Duo brushed her hair back from her eyes, pressed a caring kiss on her forehead, and jammed the horn. It blared loudly, and Duo saw a few of the people watching the base turn and look around curiously. He set off at a run, going for the cover of the bushes, and watched as he saw someone find the jeep and Renn, then call for paramedics. Duo turned and headed back to where he was supposed to meet Heero.

Heero was probably going to be angry at him for being late and worrying him. Duo idly wondered why Heero hadn't called the comm again when he hadn't shown up on time, then saw that a bullet had shot the small black comm to pieces. He sighed at the way he tended to break equipment, and then started to think about what he would do when he found Heero. He didn't want him to know about the bullet holes, so he had to act completely normal and ignore the pounding pain even more. He had to go to the jeep first, quickly wrap up his arm and ankle, then get a new boot on and his trench coat. That would hide it okay. Heero was probably waiting a ways away from their jeep, watching for Duo. Duo would call him on the comm when he was done.

Duo managed to make it silently to the jeep, and he was glad to find it missing Heero. He grabbed some bandages, a new pair of boots, and his coat, then settled himself on the floor. Hissing in pain, he wrapped up his ankle and arm. He would have to take the bullets out at home. Damn, that would hurt like hell. Once wrapped, he slipped his new boots on, which was an extremely painful task, and his coat on, then limped over to the jeep and sat in his seat. He carefully concealed his old boots and all evidence of his injuries, then called Heero on the jeep's comm. a minute later, Heero appeared, looking somewhat miffed and pissed at Duo for not following the plan to the letter.

"Where were you?" he growled.

"I had a little bit of a delay with some soldiers," Duo replied. "And they shot my comm." He held up the twisted piece of gadget for Heero to see. "But I'm unscathed, as expected from the Shinigami! Now, drive, Hee-chan. I need to eat pizza!"

"Hn," Heero replied. He was looking at Duo very suspiciously, but he did start the jeep and head for home. Duo, for once, was glad Heero never spoke much. It meant he could fill in the spaces, and talk end on end. Talking distracted him. It kept him from thinking...

Heero hadn't noticed a thing, thank god, or, if he had, he didn't say anything. Duo saw no reason why Heero should notice anything. Duo was chatting and laughing like always. And as long as he didn't jar his arm or ankle, he was giving no sign of all the pain he was in physically and mentally. It was going as planned so far. Duo put his left arm forward to keep from slamming into the door on his injured arm as Heero parked at the doors to one of Quatre's mansions. Now came the harder part. Getting inside and upstairs without limping or passing out from the pain. He set his right foot outside the jeep and waited until Heero walked past to quickly stand up. He barely contained his hiss of pain as he put his full pressure on his shot ankle. Taking a moment to let the lightheadedness recede a bit, he fllowed after Heero, his teeth gritted against the pain.

"He's scared, don't you get it?"

Duo froze as he heard Quatre's yell come through the closed door. Something was wrong. Quatre didn't yell, Quatre didn't get angry. Quatre was the sweet angel.

"No, I don't!" Wufei yelled back. "It's not how you think it is, Quatre. It's not that way." Heero pushed open the door, revealing the two of them facing off. Wufei was scowling fiercely, and Quatre looked like he was about to cry from frustration.

"I felt it, Wufei!" Quatre shouted. "Duo doesn't..." He cut off as he saw Duo staring at them.

They were arguing. They were angry at each other and it was all his fault. It was his fault. He had let down his mask. Quatre had felt it, and Wufei had seen it. They knew about his love, and now they were arguing over him.

"Duo, I...," Quatre started to explain at Duo's hurt expression, but was cut off as Duo swept past him and up the stairs, his guilt the only thing keeping him going as the pain in his foot and arm washed over him constantly. "Duo, wait!"

Duo couldn't wait. He had to get away. He had to hide. That's what Duo Maxwell did. He runs, he hides. His life was a lie to whoever saw him. He couldn't deal with watching the people he loved fight because of him. Duo locked the door behind him and sank onto the bed in pain, guilt, and sorrow. He had nearly killed a little girl, gotten himself shot twice, and now his friends were fighting. Everything he did ended up badly. Everything was a mistake.

Duo sat up and grabbed his aid kit, yearning for pain to shove the inner turmoil away. He unwrapped his arm first, sterilized and cleaned the wound, then dug out the bullet. The pain was nearly unbearable. Duo bit his teeth on the rag so hard they sank right through the thick fabric. Breathing heavily and swimming in pain, Duo rebandaged it and slid his boot off. Now, Duo had been close to unconsciousness a few times already tonight, and with the first wound, spots had danced in front of his vision, and after he removed the bullet in his ankle, darkness took him and he collapsed on the bed.

* * *

Yes, the fifth chappie is done! WOOT WOOT!

Great, great, incredible thanks to my reviewers! Thank you, Amy! Thank you, anissa32! Thank you, Masked Gundam! And thank you, chi-aka-tsuki! You guys are sooooo neat! Thank you! WOOT!


	6. VI

Yay, a climatic chapter! That's all I'll say! Read, please!

* * *

Duo's eyes shot open, the violet eyes darkened and shaded with black, the white a bit bloodshot. He blinked in confusion, then realized he was back in his room. It had been another dream, just another dream. But this dream had been horrible. Duo curled up his knees and pulled the comforter over him to his chin, shaking. This dream had seemed so real. It had felt real. Duo trembled as he remembered it.

First, it had been at the base. He had relived himself shooting Renn, and getting shot himself again, but this time, when he tried to help Renn, it was different. He didn't pick her up and bring her out. She had yelled at him, screamed at him. She had cursed him for hurting her, for shooting little girls. She had hated him, with such hatred and jealousy, it still ached when he was awake. Renn had pushed him away, told him to get out of her sight. And he had. He left her there and got out himself. And then the base had exploded, and he had heard her pain filled scream. He saw her burn right before his eyes, and saw her scream out her hatred at him as her soul left her. She died, shot and burned to death, because of him.

Then it had been Wufei. Wufei, too, had cursed him. Wufei hated him, because he knew Duo loved him. Wufei had beaten him and cursed him and raged on him. He spat and insulted him and then left him, battered and broken, all alone in the dark.

Quatre. Quatre hurting and crying out in pain, holding his chest. And Duo was the one who was hurting him. Duo was hurting the little angel. Quatre was in so much pain, yet still Duo had stayed, even though his presence caused Quatre more pain.

Heero. He killed Heero. He let his gaurd slip, and Heero was shot, straight through the heart. It wasn't one of those stray shots in battle he could recover from. This one was delivered when Heero was helpless, captured, and Duo just stood there and watched while he died. Duo could have helped him, but he didn't.

Trowa. Rage and hate burning int hose emerald eyes, clouding them. He hunted Duo. Duo had let his lover die, and now Duo had to die himself. He was being hunted by his friend. He had to run away from him, run and hide, but Trowa kept getting closer, with only revenge in his heart.

They were all from mistakes he had made. He was a mistake.

Duo shuddered and sat up, longing for the TV's distraction. He stood up, only to collapse again from dizziness and blood loss. He realized he had never bandaged his foot, and it ached beyond belief now. The pain in his arm had numbed somewhat, the healing process beginning, but his foot was on fire with intense pain. Wrapping it quickly and pulling on a pair of high ankle slippers, he hobbled outside and down the stairs, his left arm gripping the banister tightly to keep from slipping and tumbling down. He reached the main floor with only a little difficulty and limped towards the livingroom. Walking in, he made his way tenderly to the couch and sat down heavily.

"You're limping. Why?"

Duo's head whirled to the side to see Heero, sitting in the corner chair motionlessly, looking at him with those stony blue eyes. Damn, no one was supposed to be awake. Duo quickly glanced at the clock. Five fifty three. Oh, that was real great.

"I sprained my ankle," Duo replied quickly, using the most obvious excuse. Heero didn't know it was an excuse, of course, so he believed it, but not before staring at him for another minute. Duo breathed easier when he looked away and grabbed the remote. Clicking the TV on, he began to channel surf, the simple clicking and attention to the screen distracting him.

"No-o!" Quatre shot into the room, running wildly while holding his sides. Trowa appeared after him, with a devious look in his eyes. Trowa pounced upon Quatre, attacking his sides with his long fingers. "Trowaahahahaha!" Quatre shrieked, collapsing to his knees.

"Heh," Wufei appeared in the doorway, observing the torture session. If he hadn't known about Trowa loving Heero and Trowa's big brother like relationship with Quatre, he might have been jealous. But, luckily, he did know.

"Stop!" Quatre cried, and he stuck his foot out and pushed at Trowa with the strength he didn't often show. Trowa was forced backwards in surprise, and he stumbled back to collapse upon Duo's side.

Duo's sharp cry of pain stopped everyone, stunning them. Trowa recoiled with grace and watched Duo as he grabbed his arm with his hand and hissed in pain, breathing heavily. That much pressure on his arm that suddenly caused the automatic reaction. He had yelled. And they reacted.

"Duo, what's wrong?" Quatre gasped as Duo's pain washed over his heart.

Duo looked at him through dark violet eyes. He knew he was caught. He couldn't use an excuse this time, since Quatre was feeling the amount of pain he was in. A wet liquid stained his fingers, and he looekd to see he was bleeding again. The jolt must have torn open the wound again.

"You were hurt," Heero stated at the sight of the blood.

"You baka, why didn't you tell us?" Wufei snapped.

"Oh, no reason," Duo said through gritted teeth. "Didn't want to worry you guys. It's nothing. I took care of it."

"You got shot, didn't you?" Quatre asked forcefully. "Didn't you, Duo?"

"Just a little nick, don't worry about it."

"It looks like more than a little nick," Wufei replied.

"I'll help you clean it up," Quatre said, sitting beside Duo and trying to pull his shirt sleeve up to examine the wound. Duo couldn't have that.

"Q, I am fine," Duo said. "I can fix myself. I'm not a baby, I'm a gundam pilot."

"C'mon, just let me help you, Duo," Quatre replied with his cuteness on full. "You shouldn't strain yourself."

"No, I'm fine, Q. I'm fine!" Duo shouted, standing up and jerking himself away from Quatre's grasp. Quatre looked stunned and hurt that Duo had yelled at him, but Duo didn't really notice, seeing how his ankle gave that moment to flare and collapse under him. He cried out again, going down to his knees. They all stared at him as he dealt with the pain.

"You didn't just sprain your ankle, did you?" Heero said. He seemed to have a dissaproving, angry tone.

"No, I got shot there, too, what of it?" Duo snapped irritably. He was starting to get sick of all of this.

"You got shot twice?" Quatre yelled. "Duo, you stubborn headed mule!"

"I'm fine, Quatre!" Duo yelled back. "Leave me alone."

"Quiet," Trowa suddenly ordered. They looked at him in confusion, then followed his rapt gaze at the TV, where the six o'clock news was on.

_"...top story tonight is about a little girl searching for her angel, a boy named Duo."_

They all looked at Duo, who's gaze was stuck on the television, his breath caught in his throat as he watched the reporter speaking.

_"Eight year old Renn Chihiro, daughter of General Chihiro, was visiting some old soldier friends at Werrington Base today when a battle occured inside. Little Renn, an innocent bystander, recieved a bullet wound to the shoulder in the crossfire when she left her room to investigate. The term 'curiousity killed the cat' almost came true today. Renn is alive and on the road to recovery right now, due to what she claims was her angel. According to the little girl, a braided boy named Duo bandaged her wound and took her out of the base just before it exploded into flames, saving her life. A constant horn alerted paramedics, who found her in a jeep near the woods and were able to help her in time. Duo, however, was not at the scene. Renn is now searching frantically for the braided angel named Duo, wanting to thank him personally for saving her life. If Duo is out there and watching this, please call our station so we can reunite Renn with her angel. Our next story, an apartment fire nearly killed..."_

"You saved her life...?" Wufei blinked, looking sideways at Duo.

"I..."

"Oh, wow, Duo. We have to call the station," Quatre said. "You have to go talk to Renn."

"I can't," Duo said firmly.

"But...why not?"

"She's the daughter of the enemy," Heero put in.

"She doesn't know that," Quatre argued. "And her father won't either. And I'm sure she deserves to see you. You left her in a jeep, of course, but you deserve the thanks." Quatre reached for the phone.

"No, don't Quatre!" Duo said loudly.

"Stop being so modest, Duo," Quatre replied. Damn, Quatre was getting persistent lately.

"You can't call! I can't see her!"

"Don't be stubborn," Quatre huffed. "Why not?"

"Because," Duo cried out. "I'm the one who shot her!" The phone dropped from Quatre's hand, and Duo cursed inside. Now they knew what he had done. They would hate him.

"You...you were the one...," Quatre was stunned.

"Yes," Duo yelled. "I was the one! I shot her! Oh, god, I shot her..." Duo held in a breakdown. He couldn't break down here, not in front of them. Why was everything falling apart now? Why?

"Duo," Quatre suddenly said consolingly. Duo swore inside again. He hated how Quatre was an empath. It was so hard to hide from him. "I...I'm sure it was just an accident. And you did save her life."

"I shot her...," Duo repeated. "I'm not an angel, I'm a demon!"

"Don't say that," Wufei pulled Duo's chin up to meet his onyx black eyes. They were set firmly. "Don't you ever say that, ever."

"You don't understand," Duo replied. "I'm a mistake."

"You are not a mistake, Duo," Trowa said firmly, with absolute belief in his words.

"How could you think that?" Quatre said, wrapping his arms around Duo and embracing him. "You're..." He stopped as Duo suddenly winced and hissed through his teeth, backing up. "Oh, Allah, I'm sorry, Duo. I forgot...here." And before Duo could react, Quatre pushed his sleeve all the way up, revealing the blood soaked bandage just above his elbow and, more importantly, the red cuts from yesterday and the scars from before. Duo pulled his arm away and hugged it to his chest.

"Damnit!" he swore angrily.

"Duo...?"

"What...that's...," Wufei was lost for words.

"You've been cutting yourself," Heero said angrily, pulling Duo's arm out to see, ignoring his protest. Heero's sharp eyes met Duo's. "Why?" Duo glared back at him, but Heero's gaze remained on him. Quatre was holding his chest and Trowa's eyes were wide as he looked at Duo's arm. Wufei's hand brushed down Duo's forearm, rising over the faint pink scars to the fresh red ones. Duo closed his eyes and withdrew from them, shuddering.

"Why, Duo?" Wufei asked. "How could you...why do you hate yourself so much?" Duo didn't answer. He couldn't answer, and he wouldn't no matter what they did. He didn't want to explain it. And they did persist, trying to get him to explain himself, but he kept his eyes closed and his mind blocked.

Quatre finally huffed and announced the giving up of trying to get a reason. But he wasn't just going to let Duo go. "From now on, you are never going anywhere alone. And no more missions for a while. Une will have to let you have your vacation time. We aren't going to leave you alone for even a minute." And so Quatre took charge, starting with cleaning, mending, and bandaging his bullet wounds over again, as well as cleaning his cuts. Duo saw no pain or anger on Quatre's face as he did so, since only determination and care was in those blue eyes of his. Wufei wouldn't take his eyes of him for a moment, as if he was afraid Duo would die if he did. Heero seemed to be quite angry for a while, glaring at Duo, until Trowa took him outside to talk. When he was all bandaged, Quatre firmly told him to go to bed, and sat himself in a chair in Duo's room. Wufei joined him, the two of them ignoring all Duo's arguments and protests and whining quite well, until Duo finally fell asleep.

And, while Duo was scared and angry that he had been found out, he couldn't help but feel very peaceful with Wufei and Quatre in the room. It wasn't so empty and dark. And Duo, for the first time in a long while, had a peaceful, dreamless night.

Besides Quatre's rule about someone being with him at all times, he also laid down some others. Such as Duo not being allowed to wear long sleeved shirts anymore. Quatre insisted he wore short sleeve shirts, so he could be sure Duo wasn't going behind their back. Anytime Duo forgot and wore a long sleeved shirt, Quatre insisted he show him his arms and then change immediately, no arguments allowed.

The peaceful nights didn't last long, even with someone always there when he slept. He had the unfortunate luck to have a rather violent nightmare when Quatre was taking his turn on the mat they set up on Duo's floor, and he now had his own sketchbook with some rather disturbing images inside. Since Quatre knew Duo was good at drawing, he instructed him to draw out his nightmares on paper to get them out of his head. Duo wouldn't let any of them see, however, and he wouldn't tell them either, and Quatre had let him keep that private.

Heero had found his stash of smokes and burned them all immediately. The stoic pilot seemed to enjoy getting rid of it, since Duo saw him come in after with a look of satisfaction and a smirk on his face, and Wufei had emptied his bathroom of all sharp objects and confiscated all the knives he could find.

Everyone was enjoying making Duo's life a living hell, since all methods of relief were now banned from him. He was agitated and annoyed at them all, and he snapped their heads off a lot more. They just ignored him, which made Duo even more angry. But finally, after getting over having no smokes for cravings and getting used to the cramps he got in his hand after a drawing session, Duo relaxed more and began to accept the facts. He still refused to tell them why he had cut himself, or what the nightmares were about, no matter how they pressed him.

Duo's highlight of the month, however, was when Une called, informing them that Duo's vacation time was a week over and he had to come back to work. Duo had highly enjoyed watching Quatre yell at her for the two hours, and it would have been a very good day had he not had a nightmare that night. He had to admit the drawing was helping, though. The story about Renn searching for her braided angel Duo came on four more times that he saw, but he adamantly declined when Quatre suggested they call. And this was his routine for around a month, until something in it changed.

* * *

He hath been discovered! But they're takng care of him. I hope I did the reactions good enough. But I figure the GW boys wouldn't yell at Duo, since they probably understand somewhat. So they'll be understanding yet firm! Go Quatre, take control! He's a powerful little blonde arabian empath!

Review, please!


	7. VII

Ah ha, seventh chapter, and this one is a good one. This is a chapter where some odd mystery comes in. So good! Read and review!

* * *

Trowa gave a grunt of pain as something woke him up suddenly by falling on him, knocking the wind out of him. He caught his breath and turned his emerald eyes on Duo. He watched Duo sigh in relief as his violet eyes recognized the bedroom, then relax, beginning to breathe again. He rolled off Trowa's arm and lay on the floor, rubbing his hands down his face as he blinked. Trowa recognized the symptoms of a nightmare from Duo's shaky hands and he reached up and handed Duo the sketchbook and pencil without a word. 

"Thanks, Tro," Duo breathed, sitting up and taking it. "Sorry for waking you up."

Trowa blinked and looked up at the window, where the rays of early morning shone in to light up the room. "It's morning," he replied simply, then settled himself in the plush chair they had moved into Duo's room. He watched Duo open the sketchbook to a fresh piece of paper and poise the pencil tip upon it. Duo stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth and his brows furrowed in concentration as he tried to remember, then he began to draw. Trowa silently observed, still waking up, as Duo's hand moved across the paper in clean, neat strokes. Trowa simply sat and thought as Duo drew. He saw Duo relax after a while and calm down, and he thanked Quatre inside once again for coming up with the idea. The sketchbook was half full already. Some dreams Duo could put on one page, others took five. Trowa wondered if they would ever be allowed access to those dark pictures. Not right now, that was for sure.

Trowa watched Duo draw for three hours, filling up eight pages with complete sketches. When Duo finished and closed the book with a sigh, Trowa saw his hand was still slightly shaking. When Duo had been holding the pencil, he had been constantly moving his hand, and only now Trowa could see Duo was still unnerved about the nightmare. It must have been a long one, since it had filled up eight pages worth.

"What say you to breakfast, Tro-man?" Duo asked, standing up. His old bullet wounds had healed over and he was walking good as new, though he claimed it throbbed when he ran.

Trowa stood up and followed Duo down the stairs to the kitchen. It was around seven o'clock now, so Trowa decided to treat them to breakfast. The rest of the house should be up in a half hour or so, excluding Heero who was currently waiting in the kitchen for them. He pulled Duo's braid and kissed Trowa in greeting, then retreated to looking over work as he had been doing before. Trowa set to work on preparing a brilliant waffle, bacon, and sausage meal, and soon the smell of it had Duo drooling and Wufei and Quatre coming to investigate. They decided to sit at the counter top on the stools, since Duo claimed he couldn't wait for it to be moved to the diningroom, and soon they had all begun eating.

"Mmm, Trowa, this is really good," Quatre said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, little one," Trow replied.

"How'd last night go?" Quatre asked, doing his interrogation.

"Nightmare," Trowa stated. "Early this morning."

"He sketched it out, right?" Quatre asked, and Trowa nodded. "Good."

"You okay, Duo?" Trowa heard Wufei ask, and he looked to Duo, who was staring fixatedly on one of the small yet sharp knives Trowa had supplied to everyone to cut the sausages with. He held the end in his hand, staring at the blade.

"Duo, put it down," Heero ordered.

Duo chuckled for a moment, then threw it into the air. It spun and he caught it with the handle down. Before anyone could blink, Duo slammed it straight down into the table, right through his hand.

"Duo!" Quatre yelled in alarm as blood began to spread. Duo's eyes rolled up into the back of his head and he slumped forward, unconscious. Trowa blinked, staring at the knife in Duo's hand. Nothing like this had ever happened before, and it was scaring him. Duo suddenly stirred and his head lifted. Duo looked at his hand and hissed.

"What the hell?" he exclaimed, pulling the knife out and throwing it away as if it was hot iron. He pulled his hand to his chest. "Damnit! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow..." Trowa's eyes narrowed. This was all getting a little odd.

"Are you crazy?" Wufei yelled at Duo, who blinked in surprise. "What the hell are you thinking?"

"Why are you yelling at me?" Duo asked. "What'd I do?"

"What did you do?" Wufei replied. "What did you do!"

Trowa stepped in to explain why Wufei was mad, since the chinese boy was a bit too angry to speak clearly. "You stabbed a knife through your hand, Duo," he said calmly, though inside he was raging with confusion.

"I what!" Duo yelled, then his eyes angered. "Stop joking around. This isn't funny. Now, who did it?" He held out his hand, which was covered in blood.

"We all saw you, Duo," Heero said. "You took the knife, and put it through your hand. You did it."

"I...but...," Duo was looking very confused. "I didn't...I don't remember doing that. I was just eating bacon and suddenly I've got a knife in my hand! And I mean literally IN!"

"You don't remember doing this?" Quatre held up Duo's hand, and Duo shook his head, his violet eyes perplexed. Quatre let go of Duo's hand and began to think. Trowa could tell by the way he bit his lip ever so slightly.

"Duo, come," Trowa stood. "We have to bandage your injury."

"Uh, sure, okay," Duo followed Trowa obediently. Trowa heard the three remaining ones begin to discuss this strange turn of events. Trowa led Duo to the large washroom and brought out the bandages. He tended to the deep wound in silence, cleaning it up. Duo seemed to be feeling a little awkward, since he kept running his good hand over his eyes and through his messy morning hair. Trowa himself preferred not to break the silence, since silence was his best friend. He thought best then.

"Trowa, am I going insane?"

"No," Trowa replied, with a twinkle of amusment in his eyes.

"I must be insane," Duo muttered, ignoring Trowa's statement. "Why else would I stab myself and not remember?"

"You are not insane, Duo," Trowa replied. "Possessed, maybe. Psychotic, yes. Insane, no."

Duo blinked and looked at Trowa oddly. "Was that a joke? From silent Trowa?"

Trowa withheld a sigh, for the millionth time. Just because he was silent and preferred to think more than talk didn't mean he didn't have a sense of humor. He had one, and it was very good, he just didn't show it often. But if Trowa had to hold in his sighs any more, he would explode of unexhaled air. He decided to let it go this time, again, since Duo needed every opportunity now to joke and smile.

"Ow, ow, ow...!" Duo muttered under his breath as Trowa sterilized the wound.

"You recieve two bullet wounds and act normal, yet you can't handle a little thing like this?" Trowa teased. He knew his statement wasn't a valid argument. Duo had had reason-to his mind-to hide his bullet wounds, but since everyone knew about this one, he didn't hide the pain. Rather, he seemed to embellish it. He always emphasized the little things and ignored the large ones.

Duo growled once more as Trowa poured sme more of the stinging liquid onto his cut. "You're torturing me for what I did to myself, aren't you?" he accused with a pout, then sighed. "What's the verdict, doc?"

"You are lucky it was a very tiny knife. It missed your bone just barely."

"I can't believe I stabbed myself," Duo mumbled as Trowa dried his hand and began to wrap it.

"It wasn't you."

"Huh?" Duo looked at Trowa for an explanation.

"It was your physical self, but it wasn't truly you, Duo Maxwell," Trowa explained. "Your eyes turned black."

Duo stared at Trowa for a good full minute. "Black...?"

"It was very subtle," Trowa continued. "I doubt the others noticed. But your normally dark violet eyes shaded to a rather dark black just before you stabbed yourself."

Duo stared at Trowa for another good minute. "Black."

"Yes," Trowa confirmed as he tied off Duo's bandage and stood up. "Would you like me to tell the others about this or not?"

Duo looked into Trowa's eyes, violet meeting emerald green, and Trowa saw incredible thanks relayed to him through the gaze. "I'd rather you didn't, thanks," the braided wonder said after a moment. "Just...just let them think I'm going insane or something...you guys are helping me already a lot-really, you are-but I just want to deal with this one on my own, 'kay?"

Trowa nodded and went to the door. He opened it, Duo still sitting in a thinking stupor on the toilet seat. "If you ever need someone to talk to, Duo..."

Duo looked up and met Trowa's gaze again, and after a moment of hesitation, he spoke in a low, slightly relieved whisper. "Thanks, Tro. I'll keep that in mind. Tell the others...I'll be out in a sec. I just want to think for a moment." He sighed wearily as Trowa looked sternly at him. "I won't try anything. Besides, even if I did, I'd be found out the moment I left and then I'd be pummeled by Heero and Quatre and Wufei. And despite what it may seem like, I DO want to live. Very much, actually. I...just needed the pain for awhile."

Trowa's eyes widened somewhat. Duo had never given anyone the slightest hint of why he had cut himself. Quatre had naturally accounted it to wanting to die but not having the guts, and then being related to the nightmares. But Duo didn't want to die. Yet he needed to feel pain. Trowa withheld a sigh of pain for the tortured boy they all loved so much and nodded, then left quietly, leaving Duo alone to think.

Now he just had the monumental task of explaining to Quatre why he had left Duo alone in a bathroom full of razors.

* * *

That is it! It was oddly surprising to myself, when I wrote it! HEHEH! Review, pretty please! 


	8. VIII

This is the eighth chapter, and I must say, I wrote this one pretty wuick. It might be short...I'm not sure. But anyways, more wierdness going on. Read on and find out, and then review!

* * *

"Heheh!"

"What are you laughing about?" Wufei sighed, closing his book. He had been trying to read for the past ten minutes, but Duo kept on laughing in a low voice and distracting him. It actually sounded slightly ominous, but Wufei believed Duo to simply be trying to annoy him. He didn't mind Duo's annoyance anymore. He had missed it the past month, since it had died out somewhat ever since Duo didn't need to keep a smile on for every second of the day. But Wufei still reacted to it as he always had. Sharp retorts, witty comebacks, and threats. Wufei held in a smile at how fun it had been. He would never admit that to anyone, of course. Duo might stop if he knew it was fun for the chinese boy.

"Nothing...," Duo replied in a low voice. Wufei looked over at Duo curiously at the braided baka's whispered reply. It had sounded very dark and deep, and Wufei had a small inkling of worry that Duo was feeling like hurting himself again. Duo sat in the corner of the library, in the shadows, with only the moonlight shining through the window and the faint glow from the lamp Wufei was using illuminating his features. He looked mysterious and enchanting, his hair shining in the moonlight, his bangs hiding his violet eyes from clear view. It had been Duo's idea to come down to the library and read, but he had gotten bored quickly. Wufei suspected Duo only stayed longer to let Wufei have some reading time. Duo knew Wufei liked to read, and Wufei hadn't been able to for a week out of watching Duo and work.

"You're staring...," Duo said softly in a completely creepy sing song voice. It sounded like something out of a horror movie.

"Sorry," Wufei muttered, then added "Baka" for the creepy voice. But Wufei couldn't help but take one more quick glance at Duo. The braided boy just loked so mysterious, so enchanting, so...drop dead gorgeous. His eyes shaded by his bangs, the twinkle in them, shadows dancing on his skin, the dark melding with his clothes, the moon shining on his hair. All these things simply drew Wufei in like a bee attracted to honey...or Quatre attracted to sugar. The latter served this situation best, since Quatre got into trouble with sugar, and Wufei with Duo would be nothing but trouble and heartbreak, Wufei was sure.

Wufei suddenly noticed something odd, something missing. "Duo...there's no twinkle in your eye." As soon as Wufei said this, he immediately thought it to be a very stupid thing to say. He fully expected Duo to burst out laughing and shoot out some witty remark, but Duo simply cocked his head and observed Wufei silently. The silence disturbed Wufei. It shook his very core. Duo Maxwell was NOT silent. EVER!

"Is that so?" Duo said in the same creepy voice, then laughed shortly. "I wonder why not." And Duo was up and out of the room instantly. Wufei's instincts and concern for Duo came to life the second Duo dissapeared, and he bolted after the braided wonder, sure in his heart that something was wrong. Something was very wrong with Duo right now.

Wufei paused in the hallway outside the library door to listen for a moment, then ran down the hall in the direction of the footsteps he had heard. He had to pause once more as he ran through the livingroom and into another hall, and he heard the faint clatter and chingle of cutlery being shaken about. Wufei's eyes widened and he slammed the door to the kitchen open, then stopped and blinked.

Duo stood in the kitchen between the center-counter and the stove, his form illuminated by the moonlight shining through the window. Wufei halted because of the definite glint of metal he had seen. Duo was holding a knife. An ordinary kitchen cutting knife, held in his hand in front of him. Duo waved it back and forth as if daring Wufei to come closer, and he laughed in that voice again, his teeth shining in a feral grin. The voice shook Wufei to his senses.

"Maxwell, this is not a funny joke!" Wufei yelled. "Now put the damn knife down! Now!"

Duo's smile dissapeared. "This is no joke, Wufei. This is real..."

Wufei growled at the braided idiot and stepped forward to take the knife from him. He let out a gasp and a sharp chinese curse as Duo slashed at him, tearing open the skin on the palm of his hand deeply. Wufei pressed the hand to his shirt and looked up at Duo in confusion and pain. His eyes widened as he saw the knife glinting above Duo, pointed at the braided boy himself!

"DUO!" he shouted, leaping forward and pushing Duo's shoulder. The force knocked Duo off balance and the knife slipped out and sideways, going directly into Duo's right leg instead as they fell. Wufei rolled off of Duo just before the lights turned on. He automatically moved to look at Duo. He had to make sure one of his love's was alright.

"What...Wufei, what happened!" Quatre exclaimed, seeing Wufei's heavily bleeding hand and the knife in Duo's leg.

"I...I don't know," Wufei said in a worried voice. He didn't know, and that upset him. "He ran out of the room and I followed him into here where...he had a knife...Duo, why?" Wufei rubbed his eyes with his fingers, determined to defeat the tears. He swallowed and continued. "I thought it was a joke, so I went to take the knife away and he slashed at me." He held up his hand sadly and stared at it for a moment. "And then he tried to stab and kill himself but..."

"You diversed the knife's path," Heero said. He and Trowa had obviously come down from their bed, seeing as how Heero's hair was even more ruffled and they were both in pajama shorts. That and Trowa's eyes had a glazed look in them. It cleared up as soona s he saw Wufei and Duo, and something hinting hidden knowledge glinted in them.

Wufei was distracted as Duo suddenly moaned and shifted, then clenched his teeth in a hiss and opened his eyes. He sat up, saw the knife, and began swearing proficiently. Duo went through English, British, Chinese, Arabic, Japanese, Latin, and German swear words before he seemed to run out and went silent for a moment. Then he began to start up all over in English, when Quatre stepped in.

"Duo, stop!"

Duo looked up and glared at Quatre with a pout, then he set a hand on the knife in his leg and pulled it out. "Damnit! Bloody hell, that fuckin' hurts! Kuso!"

"Duo...?"

Duo sighed through his winces of pain as he moved even the slightest bit. "Don't tell me. I stabbed myself again."

"You stabbed yourself again," Wufei replied, gathering up his every battle skill to speak clearly. "But you tried to KILL yourself this time!"

Duo looked at him, pained in the eyes. "I told you I didn't want you to tell me that!" he screamed. He suddenly saw Wufei's bloody hand, then looked at the knife he had dropped beside him. "Oh, God, no, please tell me I didn't..."

Wufei met his wavering gaze with his own onyx black, steady and firm. "Yes, you did, Duo," he said softly.

Duo stared at Wufei, then looked at his hand. "Oh, God, I did...I can't believe it...I...shit, I hurt Wufei!" he buried his sobbing eyes into Quatre's shirt. Wufei wanted to put a hand on Duo's shoulder in comfort, but he wasn't sure how Duo would react. And suddenly Heero's hand was on Duo's shoulder and Heero was sitting beside him, stroking his back in comfort. Wufei's eyes hardened and he began to bandage his wound with a strip of bandage. Trowa always appeared at the perfect time with AID.

"DAMNIT!" Duo's shout brought Wufei's eyes back up to the boy. He was facing Wufei now, open and vulrenable. "Wufei, I...I didn't...well...ah, damnit all. I'm sorry!" And Duo burst out sobbing again. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I really didn't!"

All and any anger Wufei felt because of Heero vanished, thrown into the void of nothingness. Wufei reached his uninjured hand out and wiped away Duo's tears. "It was just a scratch, Duo. I'm fine, and if you insist, you're forgiven. Baka." Duo let a very tiny smile onto his lips at this. "'Course, I don't give a damn about my scratch. You're the one who's bleeding all over the kitchen floor." And he opened a fresh pack of bandages as they began to tend to Duo's self sustained injury.

* * *

WOOT! So mysterious. The next chapter is a chapter devoted to Duo having a nice little talk with expert secret keeper Trowa, and that chapter will clarify any questions as to whether Duo's going psychotically insane or if he's possessed or what. It will be nice and sad, I'm thinking. 'Course, I still have to write it. But I'm going to be for now, since it is 3 15 in the bloody morning and I'm tired. Hope you enjoyed and hope you enjoy, now please review!


	9. IX

Hey all! This is the ninth chapter of Blinding Darkness, a story which I am proud to say I love writing! I wrote this chapter late at night and really early morning...basically, two hours before and after midnight or so. In that time frame.I think I stopped at 2 am or so, when it was done...anyways, this is it, the talk between Trowa and Duo...well, Trowa doesn't really talk much, but anyways. Hope you enjoy it! READ AND PLEASE DO REVIEW! And enjoy lots!

* * *

"You ever wonder why the stars exist, Trowa?" Duo asked. Quatre had enforced the rules much harder now, trying not to let Duo know, of course, but the Deathscythe pilot figured it out quickly. He had been silent and in a depressed mood ever since three nights ago, and hadn't spoken once since. That was entirely frightening and caused deep worry in all of them, since Duo never stopped talking. He liked to talk and they, much as some of them might hate to admit, liked hearing Duo talk. He had also been purposely avoiding Wufei, and always hiding his eyes as though in shame when forced to be in the same room. This was the first time Duo had spoken.

Trowa had finally suggested that they go for a walk in the expansive garden of Quatre's. It served two purposes, this idea. One, to relax Duo, and two, to stop Quatre from killing himself by sheer exhaustion. Trowa had had to step in and help Wufei order Quatre to bed. Even Heero had pitched in, though he wasn't entirely helpful, seeing as how he shot a hole in the wall and yelled at Quatre to 'Get some sleep or omae o korosu!'. They were all stressing out in this situation.

There had been no major episodes since the last time, but Trowa highly suspected Duo falling head first down the stairs and then claiming he had tripped was one. The fact that Duo was unconscious for a half minute helped his theory. It hadn't done any real harm to the braided boy, but it had severely bruised and battered him. Quatre had a LOT of stairs.

"To provide additional light at night," Trowa replied simply, glad his plan had succeeded.

"Sure, if you think scientific," Duo replied, in a very soft voice. "But why do they exist, besides that? They're awfully pretty and shiny and twinkly to just be for light."

Trowa thought over this question for a moment, pondering his response. "I...I think they were put there for people. Each one is a person, and they respond in tune to our lives. If we have a very good and happy day, they shine brightly. If we're very angry, they glow a faint red. If we're feeling down, their light fades. If we die...if we die the way we were destined to, they never disappear. If we die before our time...they vanish."

He fell silent, knowing Duo was thinking it over. "That makes sense...," he finally said. "Trowa...where's my star?"

Trowa smiled and told Duo to follow him, setting off through the trees and off the backyard path. He led Duo to a small pond, hidden and remote, then laid down near the water's edge. Duo laid down beside him, befuddled as to the purpose and intent.

"This is my haven," Trowa said after a moment's silence. "I come here when I truly need to be alone and think. You are the only other who knows about this. Now, it is your haven as well."

Duo was silent. Trowa knew that Duo considered this a great act of trust and friendship. The two of them had never been the closest, but they were still very loyal and caring friends.

"Thanks," Duo finally whispered. "This means a lot."

"Your welcome," Trowa said, then got back to the main purpose for bringing Duo here. No matter what kind of weather, excepting rain, this spot always had the clearest and most beautiful view of the stars. "Our stars are very unique, since we're very special. For example. Right there," Trowa directed Duo's attention by navigating the other stars to the one he was pointing at. "Is Wufei's star. If you look carefully, you can see it's shaded red. Very little red, but I've seen it flare as bright as fire some nights. It's always shaded with red, so I know it's Wufei's star. Over there," his finger moved and Duo followed it again. "Is Heero's star. Heero's star is always the exact same size. Always. It never changes size like other stars, always unmovable, unchangeable. But it's brightness is always different. When we first got together, it was shining as brightly as a spotlight. That's how I knew Heero truly loved me. But when he almost died from that bullet wound a year ago, his star was almost gone. Quatre's star," the finger moved once more, and they located the star easily. "Is the largest, brightest one of the bunch. I know it's his, since Quatre has the biggest heart of all. It always shines brightly, as though death awaits if it fails to do so. It always shines bright enough for everyone to see, in an attempt to try and cheer those who's stars have faded."

"And your star?"

"My star?" Trowa blinked. His eyes sought the skies for his star. He had found it once, but it wasn't the one he often looked at. He pointed. "There. That star is mine."

Duo looked at it and his face scrunche din a very confused look. "How so?"

Trowa sighed. "It is always changing. The brightness and size and color vary so quickly it could become hypnotizing to watch it. My star represents the real me. Ever changing, ever unsure of what to be, ever unsure of how to act."

"But you always seem the most solid and sensible of us all," Duo commented.

"True, and I am, to a degree," Trowa replied. "But it's my emotions that are ever changing. Why do you think I keep up such a stoic mask? It is because if I was to let it down, my emotions would overcome me, confuse people, and cause trouble for everyone, most of all Quatre." They faded into silence as they stared at the pulsating and wavering star in the inky night sky.

"And my star?" Duo said tentatively, obviously scared of what he'd see.

Trowa's emerald eyes scanned the skies quickly. It was a full minute before he pointed it out with a whisper. "See there. It's hard to pick out at first. Normally, your star is one of the brightest out there, and shaded with a brilliant violet, an unnatural star color, to be sure. But lately, it's been fading. The violet turned to black, and the black is slowly overcoming the light of the star. It will dissapear into the ink of night very soon if things continue as they are."

Duo sighed. He was gloomily silent for a moment, then burst out in speech, sitting up abruptly. "I don't know what's happening to me, Trowa!"

"My offer still stands," Trowa simply replied.

Duo licked his lips nervously, then began to speak. "You know my black outs?" Trowa nodded. Duo needn't have asked. "Well, I've had them before. Plenty of times. Mostly just small moments where I'd black out for a split second. Half the times bullets hit me in battle was one of those times."

"The other half were bullets intended for us," Trowa said seriously, and Duo reluctantly nodded.

"They were never that bad, so I didn't mention them. But then," Duo paused. "The nightmares began to get worse. I'd get them every night, sometimes twice, and being in the Preventors wasn't helping. Then...I started cutting myself. I didn't want to die, not really, but I just...I had to feel their pain. I wanted to feel the pain of those I killed, to spill my blood for them, instead of spilling theirs. I wanted to be one of them, instead of the killer I am. They get to die quickly while I have to go on and on and on. I wanted to feel their pain, but I didn't want to die! Then I started smoking. It distracts me and eases my nerves."

"No wonder you've been so tense lately," Trowa said. "Why did you join the Preventors if it added to your pain?"

I...wanted to keep an eye on him," Duo said vaguely. "I wanted to watch his back."

"Heero?" Trowa arched an eyebrow.

"No...though he's a great partner and I'm glad to be able to watch his back and vica versa. He's my best friend, believe it or not," Duo added. "I...I joined up for Wufei. But Une assigned me with Heero instead. And I stayed because I could still watch over Wufei better with a job in the Preventors. I couldn't leave Heero alone without a partner, besides."

"You love Wufei?" Trowa asked. Duo fidgeted with his fingers and nodded, swallowing. "Why don't you tell him? If what Quatre has been grumbling about is any clue, you love him as well." Again Duo nodded.

"I can't tell them," Duo said. "God, I love them so much! But I can't love them..."

"Why not?" Trowa asked.

"I...just can't," Duo replied. Trowa knew he didn't want to continue on this direct line of questioning. "You can't tell them, Trowa. You tell them and I'll kill you without regret!" Trowa was surprised by the harsh yet desperate tone in Duo's voice.

"You could have just asked me to promise," Trowa murmured, laying back down and looking up at the stars again. Before Duo could repeat him, he answered. 'And yes, I promise that I will not tell them. That is your job. I went through it already."

"I always wondered how the hell the two most silent guys actually got together," Duo commented. "I knew you guys liked each other and all, but we all just figured it would never happen since you're both so quiet." He joined Trowa on the ground. Trowa began to pick out stars and see who they were most related to of those people he knew. He had picked out a very nice one for Catherine and a rather subtle one for Zechs that kept vanishing and reappearing in a different size and brightness when Duo interrupted the silence once more.

"Did you know," he said. "That I see you die?" Trowa's ears were instantly alert for the next words. He had had this insane curiousity about what Duo's nightmares were about, and why they were so much stronger than the normal war ones they all got. "I've seen you all die so many times," Duo whispered. "And I've killed you so many times. And you've all wanted to kill me. And you all hated me and they hated me and they cursed me." Duo had to swallow. Trowa knew he was reseeing all these memories as he spoke of them, and he was seriously abashed at his curiousity. "I'm Death. I kill, but I can never seem to be killed. I've tried a few times, but it never works. And there's always so many of them...so many dead." Duo broke off into a short sob and then silence, disturbed only by his heavy breathing as he fought for control of his emotions. "I've just killed so many..."

"We've all killed, Duo," Trowa said. "You aren't any worse than the rest of us. But that's why we're all together. It's because we're all the same. We've all done the 'kill, or be killed' scenario, and we've won it as of yet. They were the lives we partly chose, and were partly destined to be in. I am personally glad to have been a soldier," Trowa paused. "How else would I have met Heero and the three best friends a man could ever want, each more than capable of watching his back and protecting him and helping him in hard times."

"Killing...," Duo repeated, then took a deep breath and blew it all out. He suddenly stood up, Trowa following. "Thanks, Trowa. You're really great to talk to. Thanks you for watching my back."

"I will always watch your back," Trowa replied. "We'll all always be here for you, and you for us." Duo embraced Trowa in a warm hug, which Trowa returned with heart, then they began to silently walk back to the house.

"I have one request," Trowa said just before they reached the large mansion of one Quatre R. Winner. "Please talk. Quatre is stressing himself too much, Heero is agitated, and Wufei is incredibly low. He thinks you are under the impression that he hates you, which he most adamantly does not. If you don't talk to him soon, he might do something drastic. He'll 'pop his top', as you so lovingly say."

"I'll...I'll talk to him," Duo sighed, then forced a small smile. "After all, we don't want another me to happen."

* * *

That's the ninth chapter. I hope ths stars were explained well enough and matched the boys. I tried my best! Hope you enjoyed it. Now you just have to wait until I get another night of inspiration and write another chapter in the late hours of night and early hours of morning! Review, too, please!


	10. X

Blinding Darkness

Sutoomu

Finally, I have gotten the tenth chapter up. I am SO sorry to all my readers for taking so long, but I had internet connection problems for my labtop, and I only now got it fixed. There's one good thing about that, though. I had tons of time to write. Which means, I have updates for nearly every fic, and two brand new fics written. I've got a few updates for this story, which I will psot if I get reviews for this one.

Thank you to Traumatic Kage for helping me figure out something with a review. I completely agree. There are some problems in my first chapters. They're written kind of sloppy. Which means, if I ever get around to it, I'm going to repost the story, which I fixed up. For now, please forgive me for any confusion I may have caused or anything and enjoy what I'm posting now.

Enjoy, please, and review!

MAJOR THANK YOU'S TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED AND STUCK WITH ME! I ADORE YOU!

Warning: this is a major chapter. A lot of stuff happens in this chapter. I hope you like what I chose to do...

* * *

"I hate this, I hate this, I hate this...," Duo chanted softly, his cheeks defined by faint tracks of tears. He was sitting on his bed with his knees under his chin, trying to forget about the nightmare he had just had. As usual, someone was on the floor. This time it was Heero, but, surprisingly enough, Duo had managed to somehow wake up from an incredibly awful nightmare without waking the very attentive boy up. So now Duo was trying to regain his wits about him so he could try and fall back asleep. He desperately craved the TV right now, to distract him, but Heero deserved a full night's sleep for once. He was always so busy and, even if he didn't show it, Duo knew he exhausted himself every now and then. If Trowa wasn't extremely good at pulling him off his labtop at night, he'd be a brainless computer zombie by now.

Duo choked back another sob as he closed his eyes and immediately opened them, too afraid to take the chance of seeing those images behind his eyelids again. It had been about the Maxwell Church Orphanage, and Solo...oh, god, it hurt!

Duo moved and caught his breath just in time as his emotional pain was distracted by the physical pain of moving his injured leg. It had been a week and a half since he had stabbed himself in the leg, and it was much better, though it throbbed when he stood for too long. He thought he had been holding up pretty good lately. He hadn't had any blackouts he knew about, and he was keeping up a good bout of happiness so as not to worry Quatre or Wufei to death. He hadn't managed to be able to take up his annoying mind-sense yet. The random thoughts which used to fuel his constant chatter just weren't there. And he couldn't find it in himself to smile truly anymore.

Duo glanced at Heero, then reached over to his bedside table and took his sketch book in hand. He pulled out a clear page, found his very tiny penlight so he wouldn't wake Heero, and took his pencil in hand, the light in his mouth. It was hard to see the page clearly, but Duo really didn't want to risk turning on his small lamp. Even that would likely wake Heero up. As he drew out his dream, the sadness he had felt began to turn into a sense of utter annoyance and stress.

He was incredibly thankful to Quatre and the others for trying to help them, but they were getting on his nerves. He could accept the fact Heero had burned up his smokes. It was a bad habit and he had to quit anyways. And he could understand why they took the razors and such out of his bathroom, since it took away the temptation. But the fact that he wasn't allowed to shave alone was beginning to grate on his nerves, as well as the fact that he wasn't allowed to use any bathroom except his own, the only one empty of razors. He wasn't allowed to take pills when he had a headache, he wasn't allowed to go anywhere alone, and, though he hadn't let Quatre know he'd noticed, the plastic cutlery was kind of extreme. They were all kind gestures, and Duo understood somewhat why they wanted to do all this, but it was driving him literally insane. He hadn't gone past the gate of the house since they'd found out. He couldn't hold a private conversation with anyone since one of them was always there. He was never alone! Sure, he liked all his friends, and even loved two of them, but he needed peace! He needed to be left alone, for even five minutes! He was the kind of person who didn't like to show negative emotions in front of others, and he felt trapped with everyone always there. He couldn't get any privacy, for pity's sake.

Duo blinked as his pencil tip snapped and chuckled inside. He had been so deep in his thoughts he had forgotten what he was doing. As he looked at his drawing, his face fell. It was of Solo, the last time he had seen him. Solo had been so sick, and he hadn't been fast enough. Duo shoved the paper inside the sketchbook, threw it, the light, and the broken pencil on the table, and dragged a hand over his weary face. He groaned, and quickly stopped as Heero shifted in his sleep, turning over. Duo held his breath as Heero calmed again and began to snore. Who knew Heero could snore? But the snoring assured Duo that Heero really was asleep. No doubt the perfect soldier could pretend to be asleep without a fault.

Duo's eye caught a glint of metal, and he blinked curiously. Moving with the most stealth he had used in the past year, he silently reached a hand under the blanket on the side of the mattress Heero had just vacated. Pulling the object out, Duo's mouth fell open as he stared at it. It was a gun...

OOOOO

Heero's eyes opened and he stared at the door he was facing for a moment as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Something felt wrong. Very wrong. It was a sense of danger, the kind that had developed over years of being the perfect soldier. The kind you couldn't grow out of or get rid of. A useful tool, to be sure. Heero's hand moved for his gun, and the moment he noticed it was gone he sat up sharply, looking instantly for Duo. Duo's bed was empty, and a movement caught Heero's eye. He looked over to the middle of the floor, where Duo was standing, looking very curiously at Heero's gun.

Duo looked up and met Heero's eyes. "It's funny how such a little thing," he whispered. "Can bring so much destruction and pain." Duo set the barrel of the gun to his temple and grinned at Heero. "Should I?" he asked in a daring tone.

Heero's hand moved for his other gun. He had just closed his hand around the cool metal of the smaller gun and pulled it out when Duo pulled the trigger. Heero grunted as the bullet entered his upper arm but held onto his gun. He looked at Duo, who stood with the guns till aimed at Heero, slightly smoking from the bullet he had just fired at Heero.

"Hurts, don't it?" Duo choked out. "See what I go through every day?" He lifted the barrel back up to his temple and closed his eyes.

Heero did the only thing he could do. He raised his gun shakily and fired. Duo gasped and fell to the floor as the bullet entered his ankle's flesh, the gun falling away from his hand. Heero breathed heavily for a moment, staring at Duo's limp form on the floor and the gun that had been at his temple a moment before. Heero dropped his own gun and let into his own pain, clasping his hand around the bullet entrance. He did not like this emotion that was in him. He did not like it at all, this feeling, this sense of fear. Fear for Duo. He didn't want Duo to die!

"Oh, Allah help us!"

Heero heard Quatre cry out and saw him and Wufei kneel beside Duo. Trowa came to him, but did not panic in the slightest bit over him. The emerald eyed boy simply placed his own hand over Heero's bloody one on the wound and set his forehead against Heero's, sighing in relief Heero was alive and relatively okay.

"I'm afraid," Heero whispered shakily. "I don't know what's happening."

"I know," Trowa simply whispered. "Just give me a moment, love." Trowa quickly went to the washroom and grabbed Duo's aid kit. He brought it out and began to tend to Heero's bullet wound. Heero had gotten control over himself again, and he stared with stony eyes at Duo, whose violet eyes were fluttering open.

Duo looked up at quatre and Wufei's face hovering over him and groaned, closing his eyes again. "It happened again, didn't it?" he said in a resigned voice. "My ankle is killing me. Do I want to know why?"

"Heero?" Quatre looked at him, asking two things with his eyes.

"I'm fine," Heero lied, hissing in pain as Trowa dug the bullet out. He waited until Trowa was done with the extracting of the most annoying piece of metal before recounting what had happened, from how he woke to what Duo said and how they had both recieved bullet wounds. Duo sat up sharply when Heero explained how he had been shot.

"I shot you?" he asked with an incredulous look. "Again?" Heero nodded and gritted his teeth as Trowa tightened the bandage and tied it off.

"You," Wufei pointed at Duo. "Shot him," he pointed at Heero. There was a moment of silence, then Wufei stood up and threw his hands into the air. "I don't understand you!" he yelled at Duo, who cringed instinctively. "You talk about him all the time, you obsess over him, you call him Hee-chan, and then you shoot him? What kind of love do you have for him? You shoot the man you love. I don't understand! What's happening to you? God, you're driving me insane! You shot Heero..."

Duo blinked as he realized what Wufei was ranting about, and some deep hidden feeling of defense rose up in him. Loved Heero? Is that what Wufei thought? "No, wait, stop," he said, but Wufei didn't hear him and continued. "I don't...stop, stop! Wufei, I...I don't love Heero, I love you and Quatre, you baka!" Duo shouted, tears threatening to fall from his eyes, trying to shut Wufei up. It worked. Wufei stared at Duo in shock, like a deer caught in headlights. Duo's brain caught up with his mouth a second later and he instinctively backed up, tears now falling down his cheeks. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, as he liked to say, only this time it didn't sound amusing at all.

"You...you love us?" Wufei forced his mouth to work.

"Yes!" Duo shouted, that defensive feeling still prominent. "Are you happy now? God, why can't you all just leave me alone," he sobbed.

"Why didn't you tell us, Duo?" Quatre asked.

"Because," Duo swallowed, his eyes closed tightly. "Everyone I love dies. They all died! I can't love. It's a curse."

"Duo," Quatre took Duo into his arms and held the sobbing boy to his chest. "That is not true. You have to stop believing that. It's not true!"

"Duo, I...," Wufei faltered. He had perhaps just made the biggest mistake in his life. "I...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't...I thought... Oh, god...," Wufei's voice broke, and he collapsed to his knees. "I thought you hated me," he whispered in final plea. "I'm sorry."

"I just want this to stop," Duo cried. He pulled away from Quatre. "I hate this. I hate it all. I want to be alone!"

"We want to help you, Duo," Quatre said, reaching for him.

Duo, as much as some part in him wanted to be held by Quatre, backed away from him. From them. He closed his eyes and spent a moment getting his emotions under something resembling control. "You don't know how much I appreciate all your help, but you're smothering me to death, literally. I need to be left alone for a little while. I can't handle being with someone everywhere I go, being watched like this. I need my privacy. I'm still a human being!"

"But...," Heero protested.

"I need some room to breathe," Duo insisted. "Some time to think. Please!"

"We can't just...," Quatre started.

"Yes, you damn well can!" Duo snapped, standing up despite his shot ankle. "Get out! Get the hell out of here, now! Leave me alone!"

Trowa looked at Duo for a moment, then helped Heero to his feet and led him out the door. He came back and took Wufei away next, getting a jumbled protest.

"Duo," Quatre protested. "You need..."

"I need you, Quatre Raberba Winner," Duo said through gritted teeth. "To just back off and leave me alone!" Quatre's face fell as Duo said this, and a look of pain crossed his face as Trowa took his eyes and led him out of the room. Duo collapsed onto his bed and groaned.

"Be good," Trowa said to Duo as he left.

"Oh, ha ha ha!" Duo replied sarcastically as the door closed.

* * *

You like, you like? I hope you do? Wanna ask me anything? Go ahead. I reply to every single review I get, 'cause reviewers are special. And I'm not against giving hints...anyways, the next chapter is a solution chapter type chappie...O.O But I need a few reviews before I post it. Until then...

Storm


	11. XI

**Blinding Darkness**

**Sutoomu**

Okay, first off, I have to give an extremely huge apology to all my readers of this story for taking so damned long.

**I AM SOOOOO INCREDIBLY SORRY**

However,t here is an explanation as to how long it took for me to post this, because I had it written when I posted chapter ten. Believe it or not - though I hope you believe it - my laptop connection broke down on me AGAIN. I swear that thing is cursed. So I didn't worry about it for a while, not being too anxious to get it fixed because I am a procrastinator. But then a very wonderful reviewer gave me the guilt trip through a PM and convinced me to get my butt out of bed and go to the store and get discs so I could use them for another computer and post a chapter. The CD-R's didn't work, for some reason, so I went back and got DVD-R's. Those didn't work either, unfortunately. There was something wrong with my formatting program and all that. Well, I got ANOTHER guilt trip PM from the same person, and I decided that I had to take major steps. So I took my laptop into Staples just to get the discs loaded. And now I'm at the library, posting them.

This very wonderful reviewer who kicked my ass into gear is Kami Crimson. Thank you very much, this proves that stalking works! No, I'm just kidding, but the PM's worked. Here's the eleventh chapter.

Therefore, this chapter is dedicated to Kami Crimson.

And now my thank you to reviewers. Thank you kinami101, Kerrilea, AmePiper, Lady11Occult, Maskelle, hitomisure, sokerfreek922, Color Me Red, Assonya, rebelyell59, Kami Crimson, summersarebright, and Kracken I.w.

WARNING MAJOR OOC FOR TROWA IN THIS CHAP.

ENJOY!

* * *

"I need you, Quatre Raberba Winner," Duo said through gritted teeth. "To just back off and leave me alone!" Quatre's face fell as Duo said this, and a look of pain crossed his face as Trowa took his eyes and led him out of the room. Duo collapsed onto his bed and groaned.

"Be good," Trowa said to Duo as he left.

"Oh, ha ha ha!" Duo replied sarcastically as the door closed.

* * *

"Trowa, he...," Quatre started half heartedly, hurt by Duo's angry words.

"No," Trowa replied firmly. He took the three of them to the livingroom and sat them firmly upon the couch, then sat across from them on the chair. He considered them all silently, then spoke. "We have to have a talk about our behaviour over the past month and a half." He held up his hand to stop Quatre as the blonde's mouth opened. "I know we all care greatly about Duo, and want to keep him safe. I know that Wufei and Quatre love him, and I know he's Heero's best friend. I'm probably the least one close to Duo, but perhaps that is why I understand."

"Duo never wants to be alone," Heero said, and Trowa could see he was confused.

"That was before," Trowa explained. "When Duo had a free rein over his life. His life. It is still his and always will be. We have no right to force our help upon him."

"I wasn't trying to force my help on him!" Quatre protested.

"You may not have been trying to, Quatre, but that's what happened. Now, I'm sure Duo is grateful for some things we've done. But we're pushing it. Duo is right. He needs his privacy, just like the rest of us. He hasn't really been able to do anything he enjoys lately. You may not have noticed, but Duo always does what we are doing when we're watching over him. He'll sit in the library doing nothing so Wufei can read. He'll sit at the table and eat all the fruit while Quatre is cooking dinner. He'll watch Heero type on his labtop for hours. And he's even sat outside for me so I could practice my routine. I think he's only watched TV five or something times, and he hasn't touched the video games at all. Duo hasn't been out of the house in a month and a half. He's like a prisoner. Kept at home, watched over every second, talked about as though he isn't there."

"Is it really that bad?" Quatre asked, blushing in shame.

"The sketch book was a good idea," Trowa said. "It seems to relieve him somewhat, but I worry that it's not relaxing him. Think about it. He has these nightmares, and then he has to draw them out on paper and practically relive them. It may not be that way, of course. It may get the nightmares out of his head when he puts them on paper. I don't know. Burning his smokes was another good idea," Trowa looked at Heero, who smirked at the memory. "I think he's relieved that they're gone, now. We have helped him, but too much in some ways. Duo isn't Duo anymore. He's someone completely different. He isn't wearing his clothes because he can't wear long sleeved shirts. He hasn't truly smiled or laughed. He doesn't talk as much. He's changed, and I'm not liking it. But we've been too busy trying to help him that we haven't noticed."

"What can we do?" Wufei mumbled, looking at the floor.

Trowa smiled. This was a step in the right direction. What direction that was, he didn't know, but it was right. "Quatre has to stop worrying so much and trust Duo. You have to trust Duo if he says something. He's the one who claims he doesn't lie, remember? He sometimes twists the truth, I admit, but he's very honest with you, Quatre. And you, simply, let your love and concern for Duo's safety override Duo himself. Duo might call it 'mindwarp'."

Quatre looked into Trowa's eyes for a moment, then sighed. "I understand," he said. "I guess I was too forceful. I just wanted to help."

"You did, little one," Trowa assured him. "But you took complete control. You have to help, not take over. No more plastic cutlery. I say we let Duo burn all the damn things. They're very annoying to eat with."

"Quatre blushed. "That was too much, eh?"

"Yes. Wufei."

"I'm an asshole," Wufei groaned. "I fucked up."

"I wasn't going to say that but I won't deny it," Trowa said. "You did speak before you thought it over, and assumed things. But don't beat yourself up over that. Duo will forgive you. He loves you, and I'm thankful you finally got the stubborn idiot to admit it."

"Idiot?" Wufei blinked, surprised Trowa had insulted someone.

"Stubborn?" Heero asked.

"Let's just say I've talked with him before," Trowa said.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Quatre asked.

"He threatened to kill me without regret," Trowa's lips curved in a small smile. "A most interesting threat. You also have to relax a little, Wufei. You're becoming as stiff and snappish as you were in the war. Duo brought you out of that, he doesn't want you to go back into it. Be yourself!"

"Yes, mother," Wufei sighed.

"That's what I mean. Duo taught you to joke," Trowa looked over at his lover. "Heero, you're in the same situation as Wufei, somewhat. You're reverting back to 'perfect soldier' mode. Duo hates that with a deep passion. You have to treat him as Duo, not something to protect. Duo can take care of himself. We all have to treat him as Duo. Like we did and how we should."

"This is why I love you, you know," Heero said. "You always know what's going on and what to do."

"Is that all?" Trowa pretended to be offended, and then he laughed. "So, changes start now. When Duo is ready, he'll come out of his room. I, myself, am up for some bacon and pizza."

"You're trying to flush him out with the smell, aren't you?" Wufei asked suspiciously.

"No, I'm in the mood for pizza," Trowa replied with lit up eyes. "And bacon cooked by Heero. Of course, I won't deny Duo that lovely treat. We'll leave a plate at his door."

"You're a lot wiser than you look, you know," Quatre said as they stood up. "And you look very wise."

"Why thank you," Trowa nodded. "Now let's deal with my stomach. Talking makes me hungry." And he herded them to the kitchen.

"Pizza at four in the morning...?" Heero blinked.

"Are you sure he's okay?" Wufei asked. "It's almost three o'clock."

"All the food we've placed at his door is gone, which means he's eating it, which means he's alive," Trowa deduced. "Common logic can save you so much energy."

"Can we at least knock?" Wufei growled.

"I said no," Trowa replied. "Please don't sink so low you have to ask me again."

"I think your boyfriend is getting a little too high and mighty," Wufei looked at Heero.

"I would agree," Heero replied, pausing from typing on his laptop to return the look. "Were he not right." Wufei groaned in defeat and walked out to find his own love.

"I think he's just agitated from waiting," Trowa mused absently to his lover. When he was with Heero he always found he could talk freely about nothing of importance. "As I recall, Wufei never had much patience."

"What little patience he had was destroyed by Duo when they met," Heero smirked.

"He almost destroyed yours as well," Trowa smiled. His gaze was pulled away from Heero and refocused on the open dining room doorway as his name was called.

"That was Duo," Heero set his arms on the armrests of his chair and pushed himself up. He winced as his arm protested.

"Sit back down and type, mister," Trowa half ordered, half teased. "He called for me."

"Lucky devil," Heero replied, giving Trowa a loving smile. Trowa returned it and then made his way to Duo's room.

"You called?" he asked. Duo had barely opened the door, and his eye was all of his face that Trowa could see.

"How's the situation?" Duo asked cautiously.

"I had a talk with them," Trowa said, and explained what he had tried to do. "Thay won't change instantly, of course."

"Oh," Duo said, relief evident on his face. "Thanks. Um, can you do me a favor? Can you get Quatre and Wufei to sit down and make sure they don't tackle me when I come out? 'Cause my ankle kind of hurts, ya know, and I'm not really ready..."

"I can do that," Trowa nodded. "Do you need any assistance getting downstairs?" Duo shook his head. "Give me a few minutes. I'll sit them all in the diningroom. They'll have to leap over the table to get to you."

"Thanks, Tro," Duo said. He paused, then continued. "Do you, uh, know that you're making jokes?"

"Yes," Trowa replied with a completely blank and bored face.

"Right, right," Duo said. "Sorry." He closed the door and Trowa rolled his eyes.

He found Wufei and Quatre in their room, with Quatre sitting inbetween Wufei's legs with his back against Wufei's front, and a sad look on his face. Trowa managed to pull them out of there without saying Duo was coming out, and he got them down to the diningroom where Heero was. Sitting them down in strategically chosen spots, Trowa sat beside Heero and leaned his chair back. Balancing perfectly on the two legs of his chair, Trowa closed his eyes and relaxed.

"Why did you drag us down here, Trowa?" Quatre asked after a moment. "I thought we were going to have another talk."

"We are," Trowa replied vaguely. Quatre sighed and set his head on the edge of the table. It slipped off and he began to tilt slowly in the direction of the floor, showing Quatre was very, very bored. And probably annoyed with waiting.

"Hey, guys."

"Duo!" Quatre exclaimed, jerking up. His head connected with the table with a sharp crack and he pulled away, holding his head tightly and hissing. Trowa was thrown off balance as the tabletop bumped his knees when Quatre hit it, and the chair tilted backwards and landed on the floor, throwing Trowa out of it. Trowa rolled and ended up sitting right ways up in a rather clumsy way, and then he started laughing. Time seemed to stop as Trowa laughed. At least, it did for everyone else, since they were too busy using up time to stare at him. Trowa got control of his laughter and stood up. He righted his chair and sat back onto it, smiling.

"Who knew you could cause such a reaction?" Heero muttered to Duo, who still stood at the door.

"I'll say," Duo replied. "You okay, Quat?" he asked as he limped over to a chair.

"I'm fine," Quatre said, rubbing his head and glaring daggers at the table. "What about you?"

"I'm doin' good," Duo answered. "You know, I think this is the first time I'm glad someone shot me."

"Your welcome," Heero said, closing his labtop and setting it aside. Which meant Heero was treating this very seriously, if he closed his labtop of his own free will.

"Okay," Duo took a deep breath. " Most importantly, I'm sorry that I yelled at you guys. I just kind of hit the edge and snapped there, and I'm really sorry about it. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"We understand, now, how you must have felt," Wufei said. "We were smothering you."

"Yes, and I thankful to you for letting me have some time alone. I've done a lot of thinking over the past," he glanced at his watch. "Eleven hours, and I've had a few revelations. Thanks to Trowa, you already basically know what you have to change, and now I'm going to tell you how I'm going to change. Many thanks for the food, by the way." Duo paused and shifted. "First of all, I want you to understand that I don't really like to open my inner self to people, even you guys, which is why I absolutely hate it when I suddenly break down. But I'm never going to get better unless I talk about it..."

"Are you sure?" Quatre asked.

"Even if I'm not, I have to," Duo said firmly. He took something and set it on the table. Everyone looked at it for a moment.

"That's your sketch book," Heero said.

* * *

Okay, the library is closing, bai! hope you liked, R & R!

Storm


	12. XII

Blinding Darkness

Sutoomu

Okay, here is the TWELTH chapter for this story, and I'm still gaping at the fact that i actually managed to make it this long and not get lost. Go me! I'm sorry for the veeeeeeeeeeery looooooong time between updates, but I had vacation. And if you don't believe that, then let's just stick to the fact I'm sometimes very lazy in my writing. My real life gets in the way of my fanfic life, though i wish it wouldn't. I have no conrtol over it, or, if any, very little control. I try, I try!

Thank you to Kami Crimson, Lady11Occult, anissa32, summersarebright, NoahBluze, Maskelle, Kerrilea, shadowdragon58, sokerfreek922, TanyaPotter, darkdranzer, snowdarkred, Preciously special, and DancerCutey912! I love you, love you, love you! And I see some new names, so I especially love you!

This is a chapter of solving problems and new beginnings. I think. Anyhoo, read on and I hope you enjoy, and please review when done.

* * *

"That's your sketch book," Heero said.

"Duo, you don't have to..."

"Yes, I do, Quat," Duo interrupted and opened the sketch book. He pulled a paper out and set it on the table. "This is Solo." He set two more papers down. "And this is Sister Helen and Father Maxwell."

Four pairs of eyes looked upon the three papers. The first was of a young boy, lying on the ground. He was thin and ragged, and decidedly sick, and his eyes were lifeless. Sister Helen and Father Maxwell were drawn amongst blood stained rubble, and some of the blood was their own. Duo's cross lay on Sister Helen's chest, her hand closed around the chain. Father Maxwell had a half burnt bible in his hand.

"This is how they were when they died," Duo explained. "When I last saw them. I've had a lot of dreams about them, and some of them aren't as pleasant."

"These are pleasant?" Wufei asked.

"Compared to ones where they are cursing me for not being fast enough, or smart enough, or strong enough," Duo said. "Or compared to ones where I shoot them and laugh."

"I see," Wufei swallowed.

"No, you don't, and for that you're lucky," Duo said. He took those three pictures and returned them. He looked in his sketch book for a moment and hesitated. After a short moment of thought, he pulled a handful of papers out and spread them out. The pilots leaned forward and looked at them, and Quatre pulled one over to him, his mouth open.

"This is Wufei," he whispered. He had to remind himself it was just a drawing as he ran a hand along Wufei's lifeless form. The chinese boy's torso had been violently slashed open, and a thin stream of blood had streamed out of his nose and temple.

"Duo, this is...," Heero lost track of his words. He was currently looking at a drawing of Duo hovering over a small dead girl in a flower field. A set of dark black shadow wings came out from Duo's back, and everything the shadows touched was dead.

"Scary, huh?" Duo whispered.

"No wonder," Wufei exclaimed. "No wonder you think whoever you love dies. No wonder you call yourself Shinigami, and say you can't be killed because you're death. Anyone would if they had this in their head." Wufei was staring at the pictures, each of different people, most of the four of them, and all were dead. Some had Duo in them, hovering sadly or even laughing. He reached out for a specific picture of Duo alone. "Is this how you see yourself?"

Duo didn't answer as Quatre looked at the picture as well and inhaled sharply. "Duo...," he whispered, staring at the picture Duo had drawn of himself. He was entirely dark, with piercing white eyes amongst black shadowed skin, and bat wings scaled with deadly small spikes sprouted from his back. A scythe curved behind him, sending off a deadly black aura. "You can't seriously think this is you?"

"That's Shinigami," Duo whispered. "I'm Shinigami."

"You're Duo Maxwell, damnit!" Heero shouted, slamming his fist into the table. Everyone stared at him, and he breathed, flexing his fingers. His eyes darted around at the pictures. "You're not the only one who has nightmares, Duo," he said. "I've had nightmares, and so has Trowa, and I highly doubt Quatre and Wufei are nightmare free. But the difference between us and you is that we control our nightmares. We're not letting our nightmares control us and influence our lives." Heero turned his sharpest glare at Duo. "Stop calling yourself Shinigami! You are not the God of Death! You are a sixteen year old teenage boy who has four friends who care about him even though he's killed people. Now act like it!"

"Heero...," Duo protested.

"No!" Heero snapped. "You're the only one who calls yourself Shinigami, you know that? Everyone in the realm of reality calls you Duo Maxwell! How about you join us someday and start living?" Trowa set his hand on Heero's shoulder and Heero tried to calm down, breathing deeply.

Duo stared at Heero, his mouth open and his eyes wide. After a few minutes of staring, he closed his mouth and swallowed. "I..." He closed his eyes and a tear leaked out of one.

Heero noticed, and his eyes softened. "I'm sorry, Duo. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I just don't like you thinking this way."

"No," Duo stopped him, laughing wryly. "You're right, you know? You guys have always been right. It's just that it's so damn hard!"

"It doesn't have to be, Duo," Wufei said. "Just refuse to believe the lies."

"Look, when you've got a past like I do, you just don't expect anything good to happen to you..."

"Which is why you're missing life," Quatre revealed.

Duo looked at them all for a moment, then grinned. "Thanks, guys. I...I think this might just work...just keep on telling me I'm an idiot, 'kay?"

"You make us sound so horrid, when you put it that way," Wufei snorted.

Duo laughed, a sound they had missed. "Just...be firm, but not controlling. And maybe I'll, as Heero so skillfully put it, 'start living in reality'. But no making fun of me if I start bawling like a baby!" Duo conditioned.

"As if we'd ever make fun of you, Duo," Wufei smirked, then corrected at Duo's look. "Well, I mean other than the times you know it's in jest. We'd never intentionally hurt you."

"Thanks."

"Can we burn these?" Heero asked, holding up a sketch of Duo's. A psychotic look gleamed in his eyes. "Please, please, please?"

"Never thought I'd see Heero beg," Duo said. "And, you know, I think that wouldn't be too bad of an idea..."

"We can scourge the memories!" Heero said with furvor. "Burn the images out of your mind. Destroy them! And cook marshmallows over the flames!"

"Chill, Heero," Duo chuckled nervously. "I think you might have enjoyed burning my smokes too much. You're going insane." Heero smirked.

"Can...," Trowa hesitated, then continued as everyone looked at him expectantly. "Can we have a fun night? You know, where we order pizza and have snacks and play games all night long and maybe watch a movie or TV and camp out in the livingroom. Something like that?"

"You actually enjoyed that?" Duo asked, and Trowa nodded, his eyes shining. "Wow. You always looked sort o' bored to me. That's another good idea. Can we have beer?"

"No!" four voices exclaimed at once to Duo.

"Fine, fine," Duo held up his hands in defense. "You can't blame a guy for asking."

"Trowa, can you and Heero go and get ready for tonight?" Quatre asked politely.

Duo looked nervously at Quatre. "Um...I'll help them!" he offered, standing halfway up before Trowa set a hand firmly on his shoulder and forced him down again.

"We'll be fine," Trowa said. "We can handle it alone." And he and Heero left Duo alone with Quatre and Wufei.

Duo licked his lips nervously and stared at the table. "Uh..."

"About what you said, Duo," Quatre started.

"Yeah, about that," Duo agreed. "Look, I'm sorry for intruding on your love and all or offending you..."

"On the contrary," Quatre interrupted Duo. "You didn't offend us at all." He smiled at Wufei, then nudged him.

Wufei cleared his throat and met Duo's eyes, taking a deep breath. "Duo Maxwell, I love you," he said, and Duo's mouth fell open. "I've loved you since you brought home that stray puppy and it chewed up my favorite book and you were panicing because you thought I was going to kill you."

Duo forced his mouth shut and swallowed. "That's, um, kind of odd..."

"And I love you, too, Duo," Quatre smiled. "It took me longer than Wufei to realize it, but I'm always happy when you're near, no matter what. I know I love you, because that's the same way I feel with Wufei."

"And I'm sorry that I assumed things and shot my mouth off," Wufei rubbed a hand through his hair. "I tend to do that a lot."

"He thought you were in love with Heero because you two are such good friends," Quatre explained. "Even though I kept telling him I could feel that you loved us and you and Heero is like Trowa and I. Best friends. But, like usual, he didn't listen to me."

"You...you really love me?" Duo asked. "This isn't some sort of sick trick?"

"No tricks!" Quatre assured him. "Wufei's obsessed with you! And so am I, in a more subtler, calmer, more mature way."

"Oh, thank you," Wufei snorted at Quatre. "I feel so loved."

"You should," Quatre replied, then looked back at Duo. "Duo, we want you to be our love."

"But..."

"We're not going to die just because you love us, Duo," he interrupted. "That's not true. That's false thinking, what Heero said..."

"Shouted," Duo corrected.

"Right," Quatre replied. "What Heero shouted. We want to be with you. We love you, and you love us."

"Two's company, three's a crowd," Duo said.

"Third one's a charm," Wufei automatically said.

"That's third time's a charm, Wufei," Duo corrected.

"Not the way I see it."

Duo blinked at Wufei, then smiled. "Did 'Fei 'Fei just crack a non insulting joke?"

"My name is Wufei," Wufei said with a smirk. "And yes."

"You know, just for being a jerk before, I'm never going to call you by your proper name again," Duo pouted.

"I'll try my hardest to pretend to hate it," Wufei smirked. "And, again, I'm sorry."

Duo smiled at Wufei. "Thanks. You're forgiven, if you insist."

"What do you say about being with us, Duo?" Quatre asked.

"I...well...," Duo scratched his head, glancing unsurely at Quatre and Wufei. "I mean...I do love you guys a lot...but..."

"We're okay with whatever you want, Duo," Quatre assured him. "This is your choice."

"I'd love to be with you guys, but...," Duo hesitated again. "I just don't know how much I can. I mean, I've never been in a relationship before, what with my life, and then my situation, and I don't really know...look, I've never even been kissed before."

"You're scared, right?" Wufei asked.

"You put it so bluntly," Duo frowned. "But yes. I can't just change my entire way of thinking and life in a second."

"It's not like you have to all of a sudden be our lover, Duo," Quatre said.

"We can ease you up to that," Wufei grinned, and Quatre frowned at him.

"Wufei!"

Duo laughed. "I ain't quite that sure yet, 'Fei, but it's definitely a tantalizing future."

"We can go slow," Quatre smiled. "But we do want you to know that we love you and want to be with you."

"I...I don't doubt it, Q," Duo smiled. "Thanks, guys. For everything you're doing for me."

"People will do crazy things for those they love," Wufei said as they all stood up. He practically ran over to Duo and embraced him. "You don't know how relieved I was to know you loved me."

"I shocked you good, eh?" Duo grinned, returning the embrace.

"C'mon, you two," Quatre poked them. "What with Heero's 'must complete mission' and Trowa's efficiency, they probably have an entire schedule precise to the minute for tonight. We have to go save our sanity!" Duo laughed and they walked out of the room together, three grinning boys. Well, Duo limped.

Heero saw them coming into the livingroom where he was throwing some blankets down to camp out in. "Status report, 02?" he asked, with a glint in his eyes that showed he wasn't serious, just inanely curious.

"Better than ever, Hee-chan!" Duo grinned, glomping him with a hug. "Where's the Tro-man? I feel like hugging everyone!"

"I'm not against that idea," Quatre said, falling onto the couch and pulling up his legs.

"He's getting pizza," Heero said, then quickly continued as Duo opened his mouth. "And yes, he's getting the kind you like. Actually, I think he's getting enough for each of us to have a whole pizza. He's more into this fun night than we thought."

"Yeah!" Duo whooped and sat on the couch beside Quatre, setting his injured leg up on the table.

"You okay?" Quatre asked good heartedly.

"Oh, yeah," Duo waved the gunshot wound in his ankle away. "What with all the bullets I've had in me, and hiding those two from you guys, this is a piece of cake."

"Everything's a piece of cake to you, Duo," Wufei noted, sitting on the other side of Duo. "And you tend to eat them all."

Heero frowned at them. "What are you three doing? You expect Trowa and I to do all the work?"

"I thought you could handle it on your own, Hee-chan," Duo teased.

Heero glared at him, then sighed. "Find. I admit it was all a ploy to get you three to talk. But I was only an accomplice. Trowa's the mastermind."

"And don't anyone forget it," Trowa said as he came into the livingroom. "Pizza will be here in a few minutes."

"Great!" Duo exclaimed. "This is going to be so much fun, I know it!"

* * *

Is it just me, or is this chapter long? It's really hard to tell. Well, did you like the way I dealt with this chap? Hope you did, and please review if you did like it. The next chap will take a while longer, since its not yet written. I know what I'm going to do but I just have to figure out how to get it down on the paper. And I have to find the time to do that. Anyhoo, I'll try!

Storm


End file.
